Thursday 10 April 2014

Lesson 18: I'm a Grower Not a Glower

A long time ago, in a land far far away, I bought into the Pregnancy Dream. Shiny hair, glowing skin and a neat and tidy bump displayed gloriously under attractive maternity dresses

Well what a load of shit.

This might be the reality for some women - though if any pregnant 'Glowers' are reading this we can never be friends, just FYI. 

The fat suit
The reality of life Up The Duff, is, in my experience, less 'bloomy' and more gloomy. 

Shiny hair? Nope.

Glowing skin? Are you shitting me? I am grey and slightly zitty, like a hungover pubescent teenager. 

Almost half way through the Preggers Journey for the second time, I have roughly 60 weeks' pregnancy 'experience' under my belt and I HAVE NEVER FUCKING GLOWED. 

Lovely growing bump? Well yes granted it is growing. In close correlation with every other part of my chubby body. My 'bump' is more a tyre of pregnant podge around my middle, spreading slowly to unsuspecting areas like my arms. And chins. 

I don't even know where to start with maternity clothes. You can buy some lovely stuff these days. Truly you can. But I reserve attractive items for special occasions (there may be one such occasion per pregnancy if you are lucky). And for every other day, there are LEGGINGS. 

So what are the perks? I can think of only one...well two actually. My boobs are MASSIVE. Not usually blessed in the boobage department this is an interesting experience. The problem is, I know this is short lived. And that post-birth and breastfeeding these bad boys will deflate to saggy sacks. Sigh.

Lesson 18: Pregnancy is a blessing. But you may not be 'blessed' with a pregnant glow. Prepare for dull skin, erratic weight spread and an overall unattractive demeanour. Just to compliment the puking and tiredness. Obvs.

The Unmumsy Mum

13 comments:

  1. Haha! So true! I don't think I ever glowed either! x

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    1. So unfair isn't it?! Thanks for reading :-)

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  2. Yep, this is me too! My skin takes a nose dive in pregnancy and I live in leggings. And I've kind of resigned myself to looking a bit crap most days!

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    1. Thank The Lord for leggings, ey?! I've never looked more shit, it's almost an achievement ;-) thanks for reading.

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  3. ha! I agree. So far pregnancy has brought me wind and bacne. #badtimes lol x

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  5. I looked like a whale!! I had a customer who would always compare me with his daughter in law who was also pregnant at the same time, and yes, she was all 'glow & perfect bump'😐

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  6. So nice to hear this my face is red and blotchy and i feel soo unattractive even when i try lol

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  7. Ha ha brilliant. I hate when people say 'Oh you're glowing" Thanks for pointing out my shiney red sweaty face...I really needed that!

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  8. This is so true, I was never a glower. The leggings in pregnancy I can just about cope with as at least you have an obvious bump/mountain, it's 5 weeks on when I'm still in leggings and look like a saggy (glowing even less) tramp lol 😩

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  9. I'm 16 weeks pregnant, its my first one, and I look like utter shit! I honestly thought something was wrong with me as I wasn't "glowing"!

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  10. When i was pregnant with my daughter l swear she literally sucked all the nourisnlment from my skin. My skin went from really nice to super dry and flaking off all on top of my bump, under my arms and on the back of my neck so uncomfortable and looked awful, shes nearly 3 and it still hasnt gone totally back to normal :( I was most definately not a glower lol

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  11. So I am commenting on this so late to the game, however...they told me boobs would be the last thing to grow, not so...mine are huge and I haven't even had my first scan yet!! Why, also the spots, so many spots

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