If only you knew, as you crumble to the floor in pure RAGE at the harness and reins you’ve discovered attached to your chest, that I am merely trying to stop you getting squished by a lorry. I wouldn’t like for you to get squished, you see.
If only you knew, as you twist your body into an impossible
yoga pose, that I don’t get much enjoyment from our daily nappy wrestle either.
It is not me versus you. It is the two of us versus the massive turd you have
deposited, for the second time in half an hour. (The same goes for your hatred
of wearing clothes and disgust at being forced into a sleeveless sleeping bag
before bed - these are processes we follow to stop you from freezing.)
If only you knew, as you pull on your ears and rub your
eyes, that it is not entirely my fault
that you are tired. I gave you two opportunities to nap earlier in the day and
you chose 5:15 p.m. to start snoozing,
which is a Code Red Terrible Nap Time. One day, perhaps when you are a daddy, you will realise that opportunities
to nap are golden, and discover that you would in fact sell a kidney and/or the telly to
have a nap (by this point it will be too late.)
If only you knew, as you launch your upper body backwards against my collarbone and I shout ‘OWWWW YOU BASTARD!’ it is, in fact, not you that I am calling a bastard. It’s just a bastard situation – I live in hope that you will sit nicely on my lap for a book and a snuggle but it turns out you’re not really into books or snuggles right now.
If only you knew, as you look up from trying to eat your brother’s shoelace, that I’m only about to confiscate the shoe because it might have dog faeces on it from our park trip. I’m not a deliberately setting out to ruin your fun and steal all your treasure.
You are a rather strange being, my darling, but I love the bones of you. I love your laugh and the way you indiscriminately use ‘BAAAAAA’ as the sound for all farmyard animals. I love your crazy hair and the fact that you always smell of Cow & Gate Spaghetti Bolognese, even when you’ve had a wash. When you are mad at me I am usually just trying to do my job as a mummy and look after you.
If only you knew.
I feel this perfectly captures daily life for me at the moment! Well done :-)
ReplyDeleteLovely. Xx
ReplyDeleteLovely 😍 xx
ReplyDeleteI hear you sister, I hear you
ReplyDeleteI love this x
ReplyDeleteAww my boy Henry and I on a daily basis! xxx
ReplyDeleteYour blog never fails to make me feel better about raising my own 2 Darling Boys...thank you 😊 Can't wait for the book x
ReplyDeleteIt's so true. Such a lovely photo at the end too.
ReplyDeleteWhere are you guys from? I don't understand half the references or half the English and I speak it.
ReplyDeleteSimply lovely. And what is it about boys being allergic to all manner of clothing? Even in the freezing winter...
ReplyDeleteSpot on, as usual. I love my baby boy to the moon and back but he makes looking after him so hard! At least, also having an 18 year old, I know for sure that these things really are 'just a phase' (although when someone else says that it makes me want to punch them!). One day at a time, eh x
ReplyDeleteWhy is that about Cow and Gate?? The stuff literally clings to everything.... especially the cheesy pasta bake. Sweet post, if only my 7 month old son knew that almost 3am is bedtime. If only!xx
ReplyDeleteThis is my day all over, just include licking the floor at playgroup. Your blog always makes me smile and realise that it's not just me going through this. Xx
ReplyDeleteI think he knows. I believe that the those cuddles that take you by surprise, the ones where they really squeeze you, proves that no matter how many tantrums they've had on you that day that they know you are doing it all for them.
ReplyDeleteWell done on doing an amazing job with your boys....and your blog!
Laughing and then crying. Double it for me I have TWIN boys and a girl. Still crying. Lol
ReplyDeleteLoving the bastard part 😂
ReplyDeleteThis passes so quickly, and then they are grown with babies of their own. THEN they know!!! and love you even more!
ReplyDeleteJust what I've been thinking lately about my little one!
ReplyDeleteTHIS! This is everything! You've saved my sanity yet again! "I'm not stealing your spoon!" "I don't want you to have shit feet after your nappy change" agh! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteBeautifully put as always :)
ReplyDeleteMy husband always asks me if I think our 13 month old is different from other toddlers. I say no and this lets me know that she isn't. I love her to the moon and back but man alive she can be a handful and drive me mad
ReplyDeletePerfect 💞
ReplyDeleteI could have written this about my 11 month old!!! I called her strange the other day and my hubby told me off! She is beautifully strange tho!
ReplyDeleteAh thank you, yet again I am giggling and feeling so much better about everything, even the poo on the carpet and the black felt tip pen on the sofa and the vimto/ bolognese combo on my new cream jumper. Thank you for being brilliant x
ReplyDelete