Saturday, 22 November 2014

Lesson 33: Second Child Shortcuts

'We'll treat them both the same' we said. Pah ha ha. As second children ourselves we should have known this was an outright lie.

When I was pregnant with Boy Two people were very quick to advise 'you'll be so much more relaxed this time round. It'll be a breeze in comparison.'

Relaxed, I've discovered, is parent-code for slack

I feel it necessary to put it out there that I was not exactly precious with Boy One. But I did at least attempt to do things properly. You know, like they say. Whoever they are. 

And Boy Two? Well, not so much. But you know what, I don't feel bad. Because I've realised much of what we practiced with Boy One was so bloody unnecessary. 

Nobody cracks out cotton wool and water for nappy changes second time around. Because, ladies and gentlemen, you will use WIPES. You know, those baby wipes designed for use on babies' bottoms. 'As kind to skin as water.' There is no need for water. Wipe away my friend.

As first-time parents, we expressed grave concern at every slightly damp spot on the sleepsuit shoulder. We analysed every nappy noise, and where there was doubt, changed him anyway. Even at 3am when he had drifted back to sleep...because a screaming baby was obviously less of an issue than a slightly shitty nappy...

With our current bundle of joy (now ten weeks) the 'grey area' nappy noises are ignored. Unless we can smell something. Even then, in the sleep deprived early hours, I have been known to turn a blind eye (and ear and nose). 

We used to change Boy One into another outfit at night. As in, his daytime babygrow would be changed into a bedtime one. We clearly had too much fucking time on our hands. Or too much surplus space in the washing machine. Our rule nowadays is simple: if it is dry and largely stain-free, it stays put. Admittedly, last week we reached a new parenting low when we used the hairdryer to give the sicky wet shoulder patch a quick blast...whilst the baby was wearing it...

And then there are all the rules. You know, the stuff you are supposed to do. Or not do.

With Boy One: 'He shouldn't really be in his car seat for more than a couple of hours. We best get him out.'
With Boy Two: 'He's asleep. Leave him. LEAVE HIM'

With Boy One: 'Let's give him another bath and a little massage with some of that nice lavender stuff'.
With Boy Two: 'He doesn't smell, exactly. Let's just give him a wipe.'

With Boy One: 'I'll read to him as it's his bedtime feed' 
With Boy Two: 'Stick Baby TV on will you; I'm having a shower.' To be fair the other day they were doing a counting song - it's practically a lesson.

Last time, we aimed for a feed/sleep routine. Some days, we paced the living room for up to an hour to 'stretch out the feeds.' On Wednesday this week, when the whole family was really rather poorly, I breastfed Boy Two pretty much every time he cried (every time he moved). No stretching out of feeds that day. In fact, I fed him into a stupor. Milk comatose. And sometimes, I give him an unnecessary top-up feed so I can do the washing (watch Made In Chelsea). Needs must. 

And then there's the crying. Boy One was picked up at the slightest grizzle. Which, to be honest, meant he was never bloody down. What could be wrong with him? Poor baby. I am not a fan of controlled crying (in general) but Boy Two is, regrettably, sometimes left to cry. It is more uncontrolled crying. As in, his newly potty-trained brother is shouting that he needs a poo, there are no clean muslin cloths in the house so the washing pile can no longer be ignored, the kettle has been boiled and re-boiled ten bloody times and I will have that sodding cup of tea if it kills me...

For Boy One's first Christmas, we overspent. For Boy Two's upcoming first Christmas, we are being realistic. He will be 15 weeks old, unable to yet sit up, quite probably no interest even in the wrapping paper. He does not need a fucking stocking. 

So you see, we haven't been treating our second child the same. Occasionally, I do have a pang of guilt. But mostly, I reckon it will do him good. I'd put money on him being more laid back as a result. 

Boy One will always be our 'precious firstborn' because he made us a family. But Boy Two is equally as precious because he completed it. The odd damp shoulder and suspicious nappy doesn't seem to have done him any harm so far. 

The Unmumsy Mum


  1. Love this and completely agree with all of it! Our second does a bit of uncontrolled crying every now and again too ;-)

    1. They'll turn out alright...we hope ;-) Thanks for reading!

  2. Exactly the same here and do you know what they'll be just fine, baby wipes or not! Absolutely love the line about 2nd baby completing your family, that's just how I feel

    1. Aw thank you! They are special for completing the family unit, it's a nice feeling. Thanks for reading :-)

  3. I've just found out I'm pregnant with my second child (my son is 14 months old). I enjoyed this a LOT! Thanks as always for the smiles!

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  5. OMG I do all of that now with my first one!! I must be a terrible mother!!

  6. I get where you're coming from but you should never have a baby in a car seat in the house. Chance of SIDS is much higher. You're right in what you say about feeding baby whenever she important. And about not bathing too often..better for her skin. But always pick up a crying baby! Read up on the 4th trimester. If you're finding this hard use a sling! Good luck ☺
    Mother /midwife

    1. It's impossible to clean a toddlers arse and pick up a crying baby at the same time! Not to mention unhygienic 😁

  7. Baby one's first Christmas I wrapped up diapers and put under the tree and put new pjs in the is an only child.

  8. Love "uncontrolled crying" haha. So true. My 2nd son is currently 9 weeks, and there's definitely been quite a lot of uncontrolled crying here in the last couple of months. All so so true.

  9. You wipe your baby every day? EVERY day? Well it could be worse then, I may have been known to conclude they are clean enough on sight and promise baths the next night (which turns into a wipe and another delayed bath!)

    And yet, I so carefully wiped my first born with cotton wool and water,I even had a top and tail bowl! How things change!

  10. Hilarious.....did all that with my first.....not having another he....started and completed my family.....he is gonna end up a neurotic kid!!!!

  11. OMG I've been doubled over laughing at your blog for the past couple of days (comments included)! Laughing quietly now as baby sleeps. Thank you so much for starting this blog - it is such a gift for us new mothers and it has made me feel like I'm not alone in my feelings. Also, my boy is our first and only, and some things we've been precious about (I check him almost every 10 min when he sleeps to make sure he's still breathing) but we are pretty relaxed about others. For example, I didn't even realize people change their babies with water, and what was that - cotton something?? I just assumed wipes were invented for a reason lol We also give him sponge baths most days because he is way too wriggly and giving him a daily bath would be the most annoying thing ever. Anyway, so funny!!

  12. Mine was the dummy! First child "omg omg use the sterilising tongs to pick it up" second child "here i sucked the dirt off myself!"