Tuesday, 24 February 2015

Lesson 49: Mum Rage

I am so much angrier since having kids. Okay I am so much more a lot of things since having kids (skint, tired, wobbly...) But my shortened temper is certainly an interesting development. 

I have Mum Rage.

And, I have discovered, I'm not alone. This is a thing. I have witnessed other mums in the throes of Mum Rage, which by its nature is often ridiculously disproportionate to the actual situation. 

The following, I've observed, are common causes:
 
Other people's children
Mainly at the park. God, the park. If your own child doesn't share the play equipment, or he shouts, whinges, and makes incessant screeching noises, it's mildly annoying. When this behaviour is demonstrated by a child who doesn't belong to you it's intolerable. I often find myself glaring angrily over the seesaw at somebody else's toddler (though the mum will get my sympathetic nod). It's my son's go on the fucking slide you bully. I don't care that you are two.

'I think the other little boy wants a go, sweetheart'
Celebrity Mums
Or wannabe TOWIE mums. If you have time for two pedicures, weekly eyebrow threading and a personal trainer, then we have nothing in common. You are not representing 'normal mums'. Normal is dry shampoo and leggings. And yes, I am only jealous. Pedicure you say? My legs are lucky to get a shave. 

Short iPad battery life
Dear APPLE.
The iPad, loaded with Angry Birds and/or the Fireman Sam game bundle is how we get anything doneCharging for a morning is out of the question. '5% battery remaining' warns us shit is about to get real. Invent a supercharged one. Invent it now. 
Love Parents.

'Advice' from strangers
Somebody you have never met offering their pearls of fucking wisdom. In a patronising tone. When no advice has been sought. I've witnessed SO many angry red-faced mums spitting responses to these unhelpful interventions. Yes, he is a bit old for a dummy. No, he doesn't usually have two Mint Clubs as an emergency snack. But we're doing just fine thanks.

Ignorant shoppers
I have a pram. So when you walk at 2mph in a gang four-friends-wide, and then stop abruptly outside Urban Outfitters, I will ram it into your ankles. 
 
Husbands
Toilet roll left balanced on the toilet roll harder. It must be pretty challenging to replace the empty one with the new one. Their snoring (breathing). Their escape to work. Bloody inconsiderate.

Childless people 
Childless people tutting. Fuck right off (or See Lesson 37). 
Mum Rage is also induced by these Responsibility-Free human beings "feeling tired." And having fun lives. Lucky bastards. 

Abuse of 'Parent and Child' parking spaces
We've all seen some bad-ass rule breaker casually swinging into one of these. Without a child. Or with a child aged SIXTEEN. Yes I'm glaring at you as I park in a normal bay. Not because I'm lazy, love. But because in a standard-width space it is almost impossible not to scratch the Audi next to me as I heave the carseat in and out and the toddler exits wielding his lightsaber.

I'm sure there are many more.....I'd love to hear yours! Join in using #MumRage

The Unmumsy Mum





87 comments:

  1. When a used coffee cup is placed on the bench ABOVE the dishwasher or in the the sink BESIDE the dishwasher but not actually IN the dishwasher I get #MumRage....

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    1. YES Becki! And dirty clothes/towels on floors...grrrr x

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  2. Argh they keep moving my stuff!!! I'd like to fund my hairbrush once in a while please! I'd really like to put on or even find the necklace I put down just 2 seconds ago that has disappeared! Mum Rage- leave my stuff alone!!!!

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  3. Fella " I've no pants why haven't u washed them? "
    Remember bell end our 16 wk old baby is sick after every single feed and even when she's not been feed for a while! You put hoodies and jeans In the wash after wearing for few hours! !! The washing pile is over flowing!
    O and yes you know how to use the fucking machine during the day when your not at work! ! Argh #mummyrage

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    1. Good god I could have sworn I wrote this!!! Haha!
      What goes nicely with this one is being asked for something like clean jeans or a shirt the evening before he wants them, having not told me they were in the wash and urgent, and looking at me puzzled saying...won't they dry by morning???

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    2. Iv had this question presented to me by my partner. My response was is you can't be arsed to pick them off of the bedroom floor and put them in the washing basket then I can't be arsed to wash them...

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    3. Krystal, love the response!!!! I would have said the same thing!

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  4. Mr.Hubby tries to be nice and offer to put the crying baby to sleep so that i get a little nap in between the feeds. And then u hear the football game going on with the screaming on the background! Well that really gave me a break..

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  5. So glad I found your blog. As a stressed out mother of one (I literally don't know how you cope with more) your blog is bloody entertaining and brutally honest, it's brilliant. Thank you! Mum rage is definitely a thing. I look forward to reading more! X

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  6. I have just turned to my husband and said how I have noticed I get mum rage quicker ..... He has just nodded and agreed, so I really have mum rage now !!!!
    Oh, and walking past piles of stuff on the stairs because " he didn't see it" or " I thought you were making piles for something" = mum rage ...PICK IT UP .
    Brilliant blog and so true

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    1. Oh yes ignoring the piles on the stairs = mum rage! It wouldn't be difficult to pick it up would it?!

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    2. I have given up with the piles on the stairs, I think males have defective vision, they cannot see below their nose (unless it is cake).

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  7. Oh god we love you. You write it how it is, for us Normal parents. My wife and I (yes Im a dad who reads your blog and loves it) find great solace in knowing we are not alone, and those pedicure prancing perfect mums can indeed, F-off.

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  8. Home litter. Car litter. My children do not EVER litter in the street or the park but they shed banana peels, juce boxes and crisp packets in MY BEDROOM and MY LIVINGROOM and MY HALLWAY. oops, even thinking about it is making me rage...

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  9. Love this!!! I have spectacular mum rage about parent and child spaces... tesco gives you a permit and it is 'valid' until your child's 3rd birthday but no where on any signage in tesco car park does it tell stupid people that!! If your children are in secondary school you do not need that space!! I need the room, I have a buggy to put next to my car and a battle with the car seat (and don't even get me started on the elderly using our bays when they have three times the number of disabled spaces!) mum rage over and feel much better - Thank you!

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    1. I put a note on the windscreen of an Audi driving twat - "Fucking Arrogant Twat! No child. No park! - im considering getting vista print to make up a batch of cards!

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    2. I agree! It's so rude! We'd never dream of parking in a disabled space so why do childless nob heads park in our spaces?! ARRGH!! I've confronted people on it before... They don't get it!!

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  10. The worktop above the dishwasher full of hubbys dirty dishes and the dishwashers empty... what is it only fillable by the female form, has it been designed so man can't open it.... im surprised I haven't buried his arse already...

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  11. Definite #mumrage for people who sit in the pram spaces on the bus when there's plenty of free seats then sigh melodramatically about having to move for your pram. See also: people who refuse to move until ordered by the bus driver, old ladies who move then complain loudly about how they walked everywhere in their day (was Dickens still alive?) and people who pretend not to notice heavily pregnant ladies even when their bump is in their face because there's nowhere else to stand.

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  12. Ha ha this post made me laugh, so true all of it, lol childless people tutting 'fuck right off' I couldnt have said it better myself!!

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  13. Lazy twats who cram into the lift instead of taking the stairs/escalator. 'It's ok love, I'll just wait for the next fucking lift to the toilets/breastfeeding room with a screaming newborn just so you can save your legs'!

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    1. Oh hell yeah!! This one causes me to comment in my loudest voice that surely its quicker to take the stairs and let those that need the lifts have a turn... I have no shame

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    2. this really pisses me off too, especially when the escalator is 3feet away!!!

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    3. Just consider though not everyone is a lazy twat and some of us having been on the receiving end of this mum rage with genuine disabilities that just because I'm not in a wheelchair aren't any less demobilising! Invisible disability rage 😂

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    4. Please remember invisible disabilities! I've been called lazy before in a similar situation and shouldn't have to explain to someone how my muscles are wasting away at 20 years old because I don't fit their definition of disabled Just because someone isn't in a wheelchair doesn't mean their disability is any less real to live with.

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    5. Someone made the mistake of standing next to me and complaining how long the lift was taking when I had my first born .my snide muttering of "well you could always take the stairs " came out very loud and strangely he walked off ...my husband couldn't believe it I'm usually quiet ! Actually was the beginning of mum rage looking back

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  14. I agreed to meet a childless friend for coffee but we hadn't arranged a time in advance. She sent me a text saying "meet in Costa in half an hour?" I was gobsmacked! I have a 22month old and a 3month old so getting out of the house in under 90 minutes is pretty much impossible. She couldn't understand how it took me so long to get ready me assumed I was "doing my hair or something". Serious mumrage!

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  15. Eye-rolling at work when you have to leave early for parents evening, school pick-up, sick kids etc etc

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    1. I totally understand how you feel, my boss had.a go.at me today, for those exact reasons..

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    2. When my children were little. My son had Asthma & was called to school as he was having an attack & my boss accused me of having Munchhousens syndrome. Ie: accusing me of making my child sick to get attention for myself. What a complete ass hole

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  16. I just love it when I've come home from a long shift at work, the house is a shit tip, washing machine physically can't get anymore in it, washing up piled up on the kitchen worktop, bins overflowing, kids still in their pj's and he says, now your home I might do some bits in the garden! I'll do it then you arse!!!

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    1. Now this I can relate to!! Then gets huffy because I get huffy because I am barely in the door before I am doing all the house work... arse ☺

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  17. I totally have mum rage. The other day I realised I lost my temper about 6 years ago when my eldest arrived, and I ever got it back!!!! I used to be so chilled and laid back too

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  18. Mum rage = after a long day in the office, combined with a 3-4 hour round trip commute... Husband at home all day - asking "what is for supper".....

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  19. When on entering the kitchen and passing the kitchen bin to deposit empty crisp/chocolate wrapper next to the sink. Then exiting the kitchen past said bin. The red mist of mum rage descends pretty quickly. Also there from the second I get in the car.

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    1. Yes! Failure to use bin gets me every time!

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  20. When my other half says "we should really think about tidying up more often" or "we should try and keep up with the ironing", whilst failing completely to attempt either of these tasks...if you mean me my most beloved sperm donator, then just feckin say it!

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    1. Ahh this is my passive aggressive husband too! So annoying!!

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    2. I hear you on this! Red mist descends...

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    3. Hire a cleaner for a one off deep clean as I don't have time or energy, hubby moaning as I spend all day at home (with 3 kids) so I should be able to do it myself and not waste money, showing him exactly how much mum rage I have!!!!!!!

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  21. Dishwasher full of clean dishes which other half has put on but then because its full of clean dishes he cant put his dirty ones in in the morning so they sit on the worktop! Empty it!!!!!! Seems to be a recurring theme!! Ps i have just discovered your blog and i LOVE it.xx

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  22. You don't sell yourself very well Unmumsy Mum.

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    1. She's not trying to sell herself... She's letting all other mummy's know they're not alone when they feel like a psycho!

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  23. Ugh when you are trying to squeeze through a gap with a very wide pram, and somebody else also joins you in squeezing theouhgh said gap in the opposite direction rather than just f*cling waiting like polite people and squeeze past and jostle your pram and wake your child so then you have to finish the shopping with a crying baby because some childless idiot shping at their leisure can't wait for like 5 goddamn seconds! **rage**

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  24. When lazy people who could walk / take the escalator use the lift leaving me with my toddler pram and 1600 bags waiting for the next lift. Worse when the lift is in John lewis where it moves at the speed of a disabled snail and seemingly chooses floors at random to travel to.

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  25. I don't think honk she's trying to sell herself.....

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  26. As a child free woman I promise that I have never used a parent parking bay, always give up my seat on the bus & have among other things walked the floor singing eldweiss to a crying baby so my friend could have a shower in peace! I love this blog & I read it as it helps me relate to my Mummy friends! Anonymous I don't think Unmumsy Mum is trying to create a good impression but simply trying to offer an alternative view of motherhood - if you don't like it or disapprove then simply don't read it - I on the other hand love this blog :)

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    1. What a lovely friend!! Us mums are lucky to have good 'real' friends xxx

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  27. I can entirely see how some of that would be highly aggrieving, but with regards to the prams on pavements - i FULLY understand how difficult to manouvre they are and no, people should not be walking four abreast down the pavement but I always make way for prams and I have lost track of the amount of times I have been rammed and had my feet run over etc. This is not a dig at the vast majority of mothers who have my utmost respect - being a mother is one of the hardest jobs ever. That being said, at the end of the day, you did choose at some point whether to have children or not and consideration for others costs nothing....

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  28. Mums are THE WORST at walking two or the abreast with their massive buggies and prams! I'll just walk in the road so you can walk side by side then hmmm?

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    1. How bloody often do you get to go out with your mates? If it wasn't for your mum, you wouldn't even be here today to have a bloody opinion. In fact if you are strongly against mums having a little stress free time, and maybe taking up the path, then why don't you pick up your balls and say it to a mums face? I would actually love to see you do this. You wouldn't be able to survive a day yet alone a week with a newborn, so keep your mouth shut!!!

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    2. Hahaha that's Mum rage right there 😂😂😂

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  29. When your husband comes home after a week working away and you have been alone with said small child all week or at work and says maybe we should Hoover before the cleaner comes.....I am surprised you haven't done it.....serious #mumrage....also agree with child parking spaces.....once saw a middle aged couple get out of the car in one....not even an f***ing car seat in the back as an excuse

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  30. Mother in laws interfering with how you choose to raise your child. Especially when it's to your other half behind your back. Mine needs a very large wooden shit stirring spoon. Preferably shoved up her arse. As mother of the year she wouldn't be touching the top 100 herself.

    Also when some idiot offers your child sweets or cake then immediately says "Oh, ask your mum/dad first". Thank you very much you turd. Like I can say no now.

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    1. I love this both sounds exactly like my m.i.l! & that in my day attitude we did this...then when u do discipline or ur kids they undermind u anyway! arrgg! ffs drives ne insane not to mention her interference with her son our relationship my kitchen skills the way I should do this do that! Oh fuck off love! rant over �� love ur article glad im not on my own :-D

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    2. Or mil constantly telling you how your husband was the best child there ever was which basically means they must have got their bad behaviour from you. I still rebel in the fact his older cousin called her or on it one day. Mil was going on about how easy he had been to toilet train and at such a young age (couldn't remember any helpful detail). His cousin went 'oh no I remember him running around in nappies when he was a right age!' I now LOVE that cousin and it's moments like that which help you get thru the tough times.

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  31. mum rage: People who let their dogs (usually small dog owners) jump up at you /your kids. A woman at the park was shocked when I told her that the dog should be on a lead if she couldn't control it... apparently I was the first person to ever confront her (shout/swear) about it. When it becomes socially acceptable for me to jump up at strangers and paw them, then I'll turn a blind eye to your titchy mutt repeatedly knocking over my 2 year old! (Ps nothing against dogs!)

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  32. I live in Indonesia and take my 18 month old to work with me which is a challenge as it is but I have lost count of the number of times I have asked the local staff not to give her cake or anything with sugar. They also have a super helpful habit of sweeping in and picking her up mid tantrum and taking her off to have cake! I could strangle them all most days!!

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  33. I love love love this! As a first time mum with an 11month old I thought I was going crazy! I work every weekend and hubby works mon-fri. I do all washing, ironing, cleaning, lunch making and dinner for him all week. Weekend comes and he gives little one to MIL for the day so he gets a day off... And NOTHING done around the house. I never get any time to myself and when I do I'm scrubbing toilets!!!

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    1. I know where your coming from,all the above applies to me too and Im not even able to step outside the door even when shes asleep, 'incase she wakes up and wants you'
      My only freedom is the journey to and from work at weekends!!

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  34. Those sneaky grandparents who have the "baby on board" sign, the car seat and swing straight into the parent & child space - but low & behold - no child appears. Also being invited to good friends weddings but no children invited - arg - when all these friends have their babies I am going to organise an amazing party, invite them but sorry no babies/children allowed

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    1. I agree with your comment about grandparents, but must say I whole heartedly disagree with your point about weddings... they are very expensive these days and each childs place costs usually cost half of an adults regardless of age therefore if we had allowed childrean at our wedding we would either have had to pay out another 1500 or reduce the number of adults meaning not everyone we wanted there on our special day could be invited. Sometimes parents have to be considerate too, it was our day and there has to be one rule for all otherwise it wouldn't be fair. (Sorry for a rant but lost a friend as we weren't inviting childrean to the wedding - turns out she wasn't much of friend)

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  35. Sadly, the thing that makes me angry is my three year old, she's amazing, but also wants to know everything and go with me everywhere!!!! Therefore the anger has to be constantly hidden and pushed inside until it's wine o'clock - thank you for posting this, I needed it today :-) Any advice about dealing with three year old, whining, telling tales on her sister or being cheeky much appreciated ...

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    1. Well done on hiding your anger! I'm rubbish at that

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  36. When someone asks me if I "work" - since when is feeding, bathing, clothing (and re-clothing), hugging, scolding, chasing and carrying around a 15 kg two year old boy every single day - including multiple poo and pee nappy changes a day - while 8 months pregnant (with varicose veins on my legs the size of large snakes) not "work"? I want to scream in an absolute Mum Rage - this is "work" - and it is bloody hard "work" - just because it is not paid "work" does not mean it is not "work". I want to shout at the oblivious persons who ask this question, "When is the last time you pulled off your boss's mud and food stained trousers and changed his smelly, dirty nappy, next to the groceries, in the back of your car?!" It is "work". So stop asking me if I "work". (P.s. I love my son and my unborn daughter - a hell of a lot. I used to have a corporate job - where I "worked" about 70 hours every week - being a stay at home Mum is about 100 times harder "work" than that corporate "work".)

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    1. I hear you loud & clear! we are a cook a cleaner a nanny a maid a taxi driver we work bloody dam hard! its far easier going to work I go 2 days a week for financial reasons its bloody hard all round id rather work full time but I dont earn enough for it to be beneficial I love spending time with my kids buts its bloody hard juggling everthing!

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  37. Being asked by everyone in the house, where is my phone/ keys/ pants/ I pad/ lunch box etc etc like I'm responsible for knowing where every single thing we own is at any given time. If I dare try and suggest I don't know, I usually get back you must have moved it because I left it on the dinning room table! exactly you fucker if you put it away you would know where it was NOTHING I MEAN NOTHING should be kept on the dinning room table. And breath 🙈

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    1. funny ! my sentiments exactly ! I often like to self combust, from 7.30am - 8.30am -Monday - Friday

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    2. yup, that.

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  38. Ahh so funny. I love it. I'm.definitely more angry now than I have ever been probably also connected to crap nights sleep and constant worry. Thank u I am pleased it's not just me

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  39. Or when your grandaughter is being violently sick in Primark & you ask the assistant for a carrier bag to stop it going all over the floor & she says " we haven't got many bags " yeah of course you stupid jobsworth hope you enjoyed cleaning up the vomit 😱

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  40. Or if you're in Scotland and have to pay 5p for said bag.

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  41. I suffer 'mum rage' on a daily basis.... The cat constantly meowing at his bowl when there is clearly food in it = mum rage. Getting two kids and myself ready in the morning whilst nob chops gets an extra 10 minutes in bed as he has work = mum rage, super markets inky having one set of toilets by the front door, why would you not have them in the middle of the shop?? It takes an hour to reach the other end woth a couple of under 5s in tow and then they need to pee = mum rage. The list is endless! I m glad others clearly have their own quirky raging moments too, I wish they could live next door, I appear to have the old lady who clearly disapproves of my mum rage voice!

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  42. Did you iron my (100% cotton) shirts? #mumrage

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  43. I get 'mum rage' on a permanent basis, usually aimed at my cheating, waste of space soon to be ex-husband, who left 8wks before our now 15,the old daughter was born and our son is nearly 4. Apparently the 4 day/3night Easter weekend, which is his turn, we alt weekends, is apparently "a bit too much" for him to do, what the actual fuck? Too much. What about the endless days I do on my own, having. To endure bloody paw patrol (don't get me started) and cooking dinner, giving to the toddler and then putting full plate of dinner in the bin

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  44. Slow drivers give me Mum rage. I am always running late these days, usually with two crying kids in the back and i can gurantee every single time i go out in the car i will end up behind some twat poodling along at 20mph on a 40mph road like they have all the time in the world. I wish i had a gun to shoot their tyres and get them off the road.
    My 2.5 yr old refusing to put her coat and shoes on also gives me mum rage. I used to be so relaxed. Now i get mum rage every single day!

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  45. My husband has nicknamed me "The Hulk", careful girls or mummy will turn red and start shouting! :(

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  46. I'm a 'childless' person having a 'fun' life. Actually what you may not know is that my Mum has cancer and I'm going through IVF but that makes people feel uncomfortable so we don't talk about that!! I listen to Mum's with a symathtic as they tell me how tired they are and long for a night out. I'm tired after one night of sitting for my nephews so my little window of your life means I get it. What I'm trying to say is that 'childess' people don't have YOUR life before you had kids. They have there own. Be kind and a little bit more sensitive.

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    1. Of course people without children have their own problems and it would be foolish to assume otherwise (I lost my mum to cancer pre-having kids and they were certainly exhausting days). I think when I wrote this it was aimed at the comments I'd had from childless people who had been out all night or told me they'd watched a full box set and were knackered. Not that I blame them, I was bitter at the time about their capacity for sleep! Sorry if the post offended in any way, it was most definitely not a 'my life is harder than yours' message. All the best.

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    2. I know their are people who go out and enjoy themselves and then complain about being tired and when it's self inflicted I have little sympathy for them.They are grown ups and need to deal with it. But I've had friends (sometimes strangers) tell me I can't possibly be tired-I don't know what tired is etc.How would they know?! It's not a contest of whos more tired and for what reason. If someone does tell you they are tired, ask them why, don't assume it's from having 'fun'- they might need to chat. I actually find your blog very funny and hope one day to post my own humours stories about my little person. I just wanted to say that not everyone is looking at you and judging you when your child crys and has a melt down in the supermarket. My nephews have done that to me, stolen food from a cafe counter, ran off when I wasn't looking, yeld at me when I said no. So when I 'a childless' person is looking at you, I'm not judging. I get it. Kids are great but we all know they can be little monkeys.

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    3. Little monkeys they are!! And I agree with you, we should never assume to know somebody's circumstances. Thank you for your message x

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  47. when out in town my bloke casually mentions he is thinking of buying a £150 shirt hes seen in (insert designer shop), when i buy all my (shitty, horrid) clothes from primark because a) nothing nice fits my messed up postpartum body anymore b) there's no point spending money on nice clothes when they get covered in snot/shit within five minutes EVERY time i wear them c) i dont get chance to try on clothes before buying them anymore and d) i just cant bring myself to waste that much money on clothes when we need so much other stuff these days! the rage this insights in me... its like ive turned into one of those 28 days later monkeys!

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  48. "Dearest (yeah right). When you put clothes in the ironing basket can you make sure they're dry otherwise they'll go musty and need washing again if i don't iron then for a few days (reality week!)"
    OHs response "if you ironed more they wouldn't go musty"
    ...........
    @#$%%^$£"%$%&^%!!!!!!!
    was the cause of my rage this morning :)

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  49. OMG honestly! So fucking funny - and accurate! Thank you :) x

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  50. Amazing! And if I may please add:
    Leaving the empty cereal box on the side. For the cereal box fairies to apparently attend to? Or for the birds to fly in and take to make a nest out of? Or as a modern art instillation? I don't know. Just put it in the fudging bin husband!!!

    Ooh thanks. I feel better for that! ;)

    Brilliant post x

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  51. Paw Patrol. I don't think that needs further explanation..

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