Wednesday, 6 May 2015

Too honest, you say?

I have read some interesting online comments about parenting blogs this week. When I say 'interesting' I mean they have ranged from the bizarre to the mildly offensive. A general theme seems to be a dislike for 'honest parenting' and an agreement that some things should remain unsaid. As if moaning about life with children is not the Done Thing. Sweary warts and all accounts of motherhood and fatherhood are not welcome, in certain circles. Perhaps they just make everybody feel a tad awkward. Sorry about that...

As somebody who has always vowed to give my honest take on this here parenting lark, I'm actually not surprised that there has been a bit of a backlash. There has to be a reason why the glossier parenting blogs have flooded the market. They are popular because people enjoy looking at nice houses and nicely turned out children (and husbands) with catalogue smiles. I'm fairly certain even those parents have their 'off' days and mutter for fuck's sake under their breath from time to time, perhaps when their three year old throws a 200 piece puzzle on the floor at the same time the baby is sick on the cat. But they choose to blog almost solely about the good bits. Which is great, if you like that kind of thing.

In equal measure, even us 'honest bloggers' have stuff we choose not to blog about. Not because we are filtering our lives for the worse but because an account of our day out when everything was just tickety-boo is just not always that interesting. When I blogged 'It's okay to lose your shit' (after a particularly testing day) I hoped it could really do something. And I think it did - the number of messages of support from mums with PND was staggering. Thanks for making us feel normal, they said. My pleasure.

Had I blogged 'Our wonderful family day out on Dartmoor' I doubt it would have had any impact at all. But just because something is not the best fit for the blog doesn't mean it didn't happen. It is foolish to assume that so-called 'honest parents' don't enjoy the balance, that between the muttered swearing and hatred of Bubble Guppies we too don't whisper 'love you to the moon and back' each night whilst tucking our little buggers into bed. We really do. We probably just dash downstairs for a glass of wine and breathe a 'thank fuck for that' sigh a bit quicker than most.

It is also quite harsh to suggest that writers and followers of blogs like mine are ungrateful for the blessings that are our children. When you are having a rough day, when everything seems just a little bit shit, the last thing you need to hear is 'you don't know how lucky you are.' I think we are all agreed on how lucky we are, thank you. We are just also agreed on how sodding difficult being a parent is [well maybe not everybody: "It's not even that hard" read one comment - good for you love]. For most of us, hearing from other parents at the end of their tethers can be reassuring. In fact last week I received two messages from mums who had conceived through IVF, telling me the guilt they carry for not enjoying every second is WORSE because they are constantly reminded by others how much they longed for that child. Jesus. Can we not cut each other some slack?

I don't know what the point of this post was really, other than to say I hope there is room for all sorts of parenting blogs to co-exist. I was inspired by Brummy Mummy of 2's post which is along the same lines *virtual high five.*  So I'm afraid I won't be uploading face painting tips, or '10 Things to do in half term' anytime soon. I will leave those blogs to the experts. I am much more likely to detail the trauma of a trip to B&Q, or the things that have driven me crazy before breakfast. And all the while I'll be saving the other photos and memories for the private family album...yes even I have one of those.

The Unmumsy Mum



108 comments:

  1. You have done me the world of good making me realise it's not just me when I'm feeling like the crappiest mum ever because I'm finding it so hard so don't worry about those other blogs.

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    1. Stick to it love, your comments brighten my day and make me feel normal and less guilty! Well done you xxxx

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    2. Keep blogging honest, that's what I say. We've enough of the sugar coating, it's everywhere. Thank you.

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  2. Amen to that...all of it!! Oh, and thanks for making me feel like a normal mum & almost pee myself laughing at the same time - keep blogging!!

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  3. Totally agree with you. Everyone is different, some people like the fluffy "isn't it amazing" blogs and some like the honesty of blogs like yours. Personally, I've never read a blog in my life before yours but after a recommendation from a friend after a "lose your shit" day I'm now hooked! Don't listen to anyone else, keep doing your thing and the subscribers, likes and followers will speak for themselves!

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  4. I only found you recently, and my first thought was "OH MY GOD, she's like me!" - All my life I've wanted to be a mum, and I know plenty of people who would kill to have kiddies like I do, which makes it all the worse on crappy days, because how can I be angry/ depressed/ tearing my hair out, it's what I wanted?

    I adore my two girls, I really do. But there are shit days, and thank you for publicizing that. The parenting manuals and perfect Mummy blogs certainly don't talk about burning the dinner because the children were ominously quiet and it turns out the older one was stirring a potty full of wee with a toy whisk while the little one was clapping and shrieking in delight like she was watching bloody Masterchef...

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    1. Hahaha! This just made me laugh so hard I've given myself hiccups! Nothing worse than the instant fear when you suddenly realise it's all gone very quiet...uh oh...who's covered every inch of the rug (and themselves) in sudacrem again?!

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    2. That made me truly LOL 😄

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    3. Me too!!

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    4. Wow, I just pulled a muscle in my neck laughing so hard at this comment.

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  5. So glad you posted this. Over the past few weeks I've seen these posts cropping up and never really said anything for fear of being shot down by these bloggers (and their supporters) for being a bad mum. My immediate thought was why do these people feel the need to have a go at other people's blogs/parenting? If they don't want to read it or it offends them they can just unfollow. Personally I find your blog so much more fun and refreshing to read. Just because we occasionally mutter the odd swear word under our breath or lose our temper it doesn't mean we don't love our kids. I find it really offensive that these perfect mummy bloggers' are insinuating that. I could understand if you were screaming obscenities at your kids in the park or something but anyone who reads your blog can see how much you love your kids. You've made me feel better about myself and my failings. Those other various posts just made me feel crap because I once called my child a little shit on Twitter. PHONE CHILDLINE!

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    1. Can I just agree with you wholeheartedly? That's exactly how I feel!

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  6. Having left all my shopping unbought in Next this afternoon because my 4year old daughter threw a fit, resulting in me marching across the carpark dragging her by 1 arm while the baby was strapped to the front of me looking confused, I can whole heartedly say that I love your blog, you completely keep me from walking out of my front door screaming 'sod the lot of you!' Thank you!!!

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  7. My boys (4 and 4 months) are the greatest things in my life but f*ck me it's hard work!!!! I'm driven crazy almost every day. Would I quite happily drink my body weight in vino sometimes to block it all out. Yes. Would I change any of it to go back to those carefree days. Not a chance 😊

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  8. Those other people probably have 2 nannies, a trust fund and an au pair to shag on the nights off. Meanwhile in the real world my smallest is throwing paddies because if I speak while she is singing "let it go" ( for the 19th time today) she then has to start again and tells me i am not being a good audience. She is 4. Ffs and how bloody lovely for those "other folk"!

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  9. Just thank you for making me feel better about the mad days! The guilt was grinding me down and everyone is different! Some people believe and say parenting is a breeze and are perfect all the time! Well good for you my experience is different! PASS THE WINE! Xx

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  10. You are an absolute life saver. Honestly, I really struggle with the day to day having been diagnosed with PND. My daughter is just 3 years old now, but I can honestly say that it's bloody hard most days. I relate to all you have said, there are days I really hate myself but after reading your blogs, I feel hugely better. I know people who raise their genius children with one hand tied behind their backs. Good on them, but I'm not one of them. My DD doesn't seem to be too traumatised by my parenting, so all is well. It's taken me a long time to be able to say that though. Thank you again for your blog, please continue.

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  11. Thank you for this blog, I am a frustrated, very tired (day 3 of sleep training in prep for going back to work, working nights!!) and normal mummy of a 2 yr old girl and 7.5 month old boy. I love that you are honest and funny and make me feel like a normal parent who mutters under her breath, complains about how annoying her kids can be some days and how I'm like every other mum who dreads going out to mingle with general population with my 2 monsters! Thank you , you cheer me up on crappy days! Thank you for being honest!

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  12. Some people's children clearly don't occupy as much of their time as ours! I don't understand the reasoning behind seeking something out to hate on it... Live and let live, no? Please please don't think these few are a representation of the masses. You are not revolutionary (no offence), you're just a voice of the unspoken majority!! X

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  13. Today before 8am I had cheerios on the wall, a cup of milk on the floor and pee on the wall

    Then at 10:30 I couldn't find my keys to take my son to a hospital appt .. while looking for them the 9 month old fell out of his highchair and was found dangling by his ankle upseide down, and the 2.5 year old decided to shower himself with the cold cup of tea I didn't get to drink, oh and wash the kitchen floor with it

    its now 18:10, I still haven't found my keys

    No sunshine and daisies in this household today ;)

    I welcome anyone to have a go at this day that I had today and not swear or complain, or threaten to put their children up for adoption.

    oh did I mention I'm loaded with the lurgi too?

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    1. oh this made me lol, the image of the baby dangling lol thanks for cheering me up. ps hope keys turn up and u feel better soon x

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  14. Well said Unmumsy! Of course we love our children but having 3 in 3 years I can testify that it is bloody hard work. After my first those 'shiney' blogs made me feel inadequate and alone. 2 kids later my motto is "Everyone fed, nobody dead". If that is purely because they have been in front of the TV all day because they have been absolute nightmares that I have been too tired to deal with then so be it. Let's have a bit more solidarity.

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  15. *virtual high five* to you for this post. I've had some snotty so-called (ex) friend post a status on Facebook clearly in response to something I said on a particularly bad day but she wasn't woman enough to say it to my face. Anyone who says their child doesn't EVER make them want to retreat to a sound proof angry dome so they can scream and curse in peace is lying to themselves. No one is perfect, whatever their age.

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  16. I love reading your blog. As a mum of two I regularly lose my shit and this fortnight am learning how to stop my 4 year old hitting me when she gets mad, apparently I'm not allowed to shout back like I want to.

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  17. Fuck 'em - probably the types who "miss the night feeds" when they end *eye roll*
    I love your blog - sums up exactly how I feel about being a mum! Love the little blighters but man can they test my patience and make me question how my own Mother can still be speaking to me!

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  18. What a load of bollocks! The nasty comments that is. This blog has been amazing. As a full time mum of 3, I lose my shit on a regular basis so to find a blog that could quite easily be detailing my daily life has been such a relief! I'm not the only one rocking in a corner going quietly insane while they tag team their rioting over the puking cat every sodding weekend. Thank you.

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  19. This blog is so refreshing in a sea of 'oh look how wonderful my life is, I'm a super mum' blogs. Thank you.

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  20. I don't think you're too honest - not at all. I spent an unhealthy part of the early years of my childrens' lives comparing myself to blogs that showed only the shiny side of family life and feeling bad that my life wasn't as perfect as theirs. I didn’t realise that their lives were exactly the same as mine, just minus the crappy bits for the world to see.

    And I know there’s a market out there for blogs that point out these bad bits so we don’t feel alone in the magical (hoho) journey we call parenthood. I write about the bad bits, too – my divorce, my PND, the health issues my daughter goes through, it’s life. I have bad days as much as the next mum and sometimes I’m just so bloody positive to get through what is a real struggle.

    But when you begin to call children shits or dicks in the name of realism and honesty or post vulnerable images of them naked on Social Media is when I think it oversteps the mark.

    This is one of the things I so enjoy about blogging, though. Sharing views and healthy debate – this issue has clearly touched a nerve with so many. I’d love to know the place you come from in the more vitriolic of your posts. I know you’ve said it’s honest and it is, brutally so. But do you think you over-egg it, just a bit, because you know that’s where the page views come from?


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    1. I couldn't agree more re the sharing views and healthy debate. For me it has never ever been about the page views (the blog only really went 'viral' when I set up a Facebook page, which was quite unexpected) though I have found therapy in sweary blogging - which isn't everybody's cup of tea, and I totally understand that!! Thanks for your comment :-)

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    2. When my threenager or 1 year old are being particularly psychotic I usually have a vast array of swear words running through my mind (never out of my mouth) Your right, it's like a therapy that gets you through it! Anyway, I sometimes try to explain this to people to left feeling like I'm an awful awful person and mother. And then I found your blog, and you made it ok. Your my hero!

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  21. UM I salute your honesty and credit you with my favourite new word: cockwomble.
    Ignore the rose-tinted fembots who clearly live in denial or are so doped up on legal highs they don't notice everything going to shit around them.
    That is all.
    Xxxxxxx

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  22. Shite did I just comment twice? I am a cockwomble.

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  23. I love your posts. No one who has had children, especially 2 or more can say their children are amazing and beautiful and never miss behave, unless they have robots of course. Im writing this with a 10 yr old boy whos main goal today is to drive me to strangle him, homer Simpson style. When I read your posts I sigh and think thank the lord there are other mums who are just like me, love their kids but could quite happily kick them into timbuck two at times. Sod the perfect parents they are lying to everyone and worse to themselves. Keep up the good work x

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  24. There are always haters- f*uck them and their clean clothes and well behaved babies! I think your recent exponential growth in followers/page likers goes to show there are thousands of us who greatly appreciate your posts and put a smile on our faces at the end of a tough day when we get a minute to check your blog (ooops yes baby is in the bath while I do but I'm sat in the bathroom too so he won't drown I am sure). And your lovely happy photos always puts a smile on my face too x

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  25. mrsmachall - I love your favourite new word - I feel a "Miranda" moment coming on - "cockwomble, cock.womble," hahaha! Love it!!! And UM, I`m new to your blog but love the fact that you are so real! Every so often, I read them out loud to my mum, who in turn either cracks up laughing or totally agrees. Keep up the great work!!!

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  26. I love your blog! I am currently hiding from my two in my bedroom (the husband is home). People will always find something to complain about!

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  27. As a mamma currently in the midst of potty training hell, I love your blog. And yes, I thank god every day for my little blessing of a monster and would not change a thing.

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  28. Always makes me smile

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  29. Hello, I'm the writer of one of the posts that, I believe, has led to this one. I wrote my post because I have been feeling mystified by a small number (in the varied pack of parent blogs) of mums that sometimes seem to mock their kids and, occasionally, call them names in passing as part of a post or picture on social media to represent their frustration. Just mystified at the trend of it, and questioning whether the language used is really representative of how the country's mums are feeling. Judging by the strength of responses, in many cases, it is. I 100% agree with you on honesty about how hard, frustrating and sometimes boring being a parent can be. My blog is pretty average and it's mostly focused on things to do, with a few posts where I try to be informative or funny. I rarely talk about the really dark times, because I don't want my daughter to ever read about it online, or my family to either. If that's dishonest, then so be it. As you also rightly point out, there's plenty of room for everybody.

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    1. Hello Eleanor :-) I haven't actually read your post, but thank you for your comment! My post was prompted mainly by the 'she shouldn't be so honest' comments, I wholeheartedly agree that there is room for all types of blogs. I am a self-confessed sweary blogger because I find it quite therapeutic. I guess that's just my style - again there is room for all styles. Thanks again x

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  30. Louisa Peters6 May 2015 at 19:03

    You say it perfectly, just because we're honest about the tough times doesn't mean we don't love and appreciate our little ones beyond words! Infact it's the way in which I can go from complete and utter adoration for my little girl and all the things she can do and say to absolute despair when she tries to hit me because I won't let her wear her Iggle Piggle pyjamas to nursery, that drives me crazy the most!! You have so much support and have been a huge positive influence in so many people's lives, least of all me and my mummy friends!x

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  31. I'm not sure anyone is saying you're too honest or that honesty isn't a welcome change. I think what is needed is balance. I write this after a long day at work in a restaurant whilst my 3 year old alternately peacefully plays and lies on the floor under the table shrieking with a tantrum after something upsets her. I wouldn't describe her as a tosser though on my blog or Twitter. That doesn't make me a perfect parent though. I willingly talk about how hard I find parenting. I'm not sure dividing people into "honest" and "perfect" is any more helpful though. We need to support each other not create yet more divides. Stand by our choices without criticising others to make our point?

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    1. Thanks for your message. I couldn't agree more about supporting each other. I appreciate that my blog (and the language contained within) is not everybody's cup of tea, and feedback like yours is most welcome. The post was not a response to those comments, but to the rather judgmental comments I've read which have teetered on being nasty rather than constructive (not just at me I must add but directly referring to 'honest' bloggers, hence my use of the term). Thanks again for your comment.

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  32. We are currently going through a series of appointments with the paediatrician to establish whether my 5yr old is on the autistic spectrum and I am regularly having to listen to people telling me I should just learn to accept my child as she is. As if I even needed to be told. Thank you for making the point that just because something is said or there are struggles it does not mean we don't love our children or are not grateful for them. Reading your blog really helps to deal with the doubts in myself. I love it. Thank you for being an honest parent

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  33. I love your blog. I often feel guilty about thinking negatively about my baby. Sometimes I even wonder if it was the right thing to do. I love her I really do but wow it really is hardest thing I have ever done. Realistically my life was easier before her. Why am I made so guilty that I feel like that. Keep blogging and keeping me sane

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  34. Yours is the most real and honest blog available. I have received some stupid comments from Mums who's children have long flown the nest, ranging from "you're tired from lack of sleep? I LOVED the night feeds and never felt tired...it must be because you're an old Mum..." [nutter] to "your baby cries a lot, he must be teething" [at 2mths? Highly unlikely. He's probably crying at the rubbish spewing out of your mouth; he's quite discerning like that]. Please keep posting - I need the voice of your blog in my head when I have to deal with saccharine sickly perfect mummies, past and present :-)

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  35. I am a new father of a ten week old beautiful baby boy. You have helped my wife and I laugh a little easier and changed our perception of what we should expect of ourselves in our new and trying roles. To all the mothers who struggle I wish you the strength and humour to get you through another day. To all of those who dont want to admit its hard at times I wish you the same. To those who dont find it as hard I am pleased for you.
    All the best to all of you.

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  36. As an adoptive parent there is a lot of guilt that everything isn't perfect and I get annoyed, stressed and frustrated at my child. Everyone keeps telling me how lucky I am. I do feel very fortunate but wouldn't call my particular, lengthy route to motherhood "lucky". Your honesty reminds me that no one is perfect and always gives me a laugh, thanks it's very refreshing and please keep going!

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  37. I've heard if you and this is my first read. I bloody love it ! Have you done one on, Having to go to the supermarket at 5.00 because hubby is working late and you're cupboards are empty, walking round there, trying to look calm whilst youngest is screaming and eldest just wont listen..... I shall be reading more 😁

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  38. Wow, this is great to read, and to know we're not all alone. I have twin girls that are nearly 3 and my god are they hard work some days. Don't get me wrong, there are days when they will play together for ages and I can sit with a cuppa for half an hour but that doesn't mean I don't get stressed! There is a reason kids are cute....because if they weren't, lots would be up for adoption! 😉

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  39. For all you mums of young children out there, you are doing a great job! My boys are now 14 and 17 and I feel like I have came through to the other side now, after several years of really struggling with my eldest sons behaviour! All the hard work will pay off eventually. Reading your posts takes me back. Being a parent is THE hardest but most worthwhile job.

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  40. There are rooms for all types of parenting blog and I don't understand why people read the ones they don't like. If people have a problem with your sweary posts then they are best not to read them. Why criticise and waste their time commenting and slagging you/your blog off?
    My blog is about family travel and I happily write honest posts about our holidays and days out, the good and bad.

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  41. Please don't stop - I'm pregnant & I feel like this blog will help me through the hard parts so I don't feel like I'm doing everything wrong

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  42. This post struck a chord with me as I tell my wee boy every night I love him to the moon and back before dashing downstairs for the glass of wine I've probably been looking forward to since lunch. I had 3 failed attempts at ivf before my little miracle was conceived naturally and the guilt I suffer is horrendous. U help all us mums so please dont ever stop!

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  43. Dearest Unmumsy, you are a breath of fresh air, a girl after my own heart, a goddess! Your posts are the highlight of my day, I laugh so hard I nearly pee and I know that I'm not alone, what gifts could be more precious to a harassed mum? Thank you! xxx

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  44. Brilliant! I have even been known to put the clock forward an hour just to get my kids in bed earlier so I can give that big sigh of "Thank Fuck" a little bit sooner ;) . Yes I love my kids dearly but parenting is the hardest job. x

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  45. This is the best blog ever. It's also the only place where I can read the bottom half of the internet without wanting to throttle someone. Must mean the best readership ever, too then! It's absolutely true that you have off days, but they are few and far between and just make you appreciate the good ones. Anyone who says different is a bit of an idiot.

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  46. Please keep it up! I've come late to your blog and I love your honesty. I wish I'd found it sooner. I'm a particularly unmumsy mum who has a delightful daughter who charms the socks off anyone and everyone, but who drives me insane with her absolute refusal to do anything anyone says and who will not play independently for more than about 2 minutes even though she is now 5. And no one outside of family believes me when I say what hard work it is. All I can say is that some days are harder than others!

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  47. Haters gonna hate, keep on keeping on :-D xx

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  48. It's even more guilt inducing when you're a grandma that relates to all that you are saying! I love my grandkids (five of them) with all my heart and could bore for England about them but after a day babysitting I am muttering under my breath, shouting and wishing with all my heart for a cold glass of white wine (even warm would be acceptable if the glass was big enough). You speak for so many of us...whatever age we are

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    1. Is that you Mum lol, If not you sound exactly like my Mum hahaha

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  49. I am so horrified to see people would bad mouth another blog! like most have said if you don't like it don't read it!
    all i have ever wanted since i was 16 is to be a mum and my little one is just turning 4 months and your blog has got me through! i now feel like i am not a bad mum or bad person (lots of these thoughts at the start *mum guilt is real*). i love my little one with all my being but today was a "bad" day (no naps i am sure you can all relate!) and looking at the comments etc it makes me feel like every other mum and that means so much! please keep it up :D! p.s. your boys are so cute xx

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  50. I'm just back from holiday so have missed the various posts and comments though some of my blogger friends have told me what has been happening. I don't know how, as a parent, not to complain without going crazy. You keep doing what you're doing and ignore the naysayers (though I understand that that is easier said than done).

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  51. I love your blog, it makes me feel so much better about being a mummy and I get excited when I see your Facebook posts! I have recently been feeling like I'm not cut out for this mummy lark, even though I was desperate to have a baby (insert guilt here). Your blog makes me feel like I am normal as I was beginning to worry that I might have PND. Just laugh off the negative comments, clearly these people have too much time on their hands with their 'little Angel's' yuck!

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  52. I am a mum of three, I have a five year old son and 4 year old boy/girl twins, and am finding this the HARDEST thing I have ever done! Your blogs are like a breath of fresh air and sometimes keep me going through the day! Take no notice of negativity, keep on doing what you are doing because you are making a heck of a difference to the rest of us mums!! x

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  53. Would soooo much rather read your blog than any of the 'supermum' ones. I love being a mum and am truly grateful for my daughter but love seeing that everyone else has bad days / tantrums / uses food bribes as well! This blog makes me feel like I'm doing a pretty good job at something that's not that easy and for which there is no right way x

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  54. I love your blog it makes me feel normal and smile and laugh at myself *possibly due to sleep depravation* and think this is normal I am not a freak for muttering fuck sake as my little boy commando crawls to eat the dogs food, tips the dogs water over himself and the kitchen floor and proceeds to get stuck in the catflap ( all before I have boiled the kettle let alone had the necessary caffeine to find this funny) so thank you and keep blogging.

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  55. At the end of the day, we all over our kids....but raising them is bloody hard work and if you can't laugh and share the crap times then we'd all struggle to get through. I remember another mum asking how I was getting on with my new son and before I could muster a smile and pretend all was OK she said "It's pretty shit, isn't it?"....MASSIVE relief!! Your blog has made me cry laughing, thank you for making me feel normal! X

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  56. We all feel guilty when the kids wind us up. And they ALL do it. Even the well behaved bookish ones that I am astonished by in cafés/restaurants etc. They have their moments elsewhere. My boys (27 months between them, so now 4 and 21months) have done most, if not all, of the things you blog about and I totally relate to you. The blog is HILARIOUS and I wish I had discovered you sooner (altho I have read back most of the articles in the past 2months). Coming back to the guilt thing, my first baby passed in labour at 41 weeks after a text book preg (pm didn't establish a reason) and my second baby was born with blocked bile ducts so needed a liver transplant for his first birthday. He still winds me up!!!!

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  57. Can I just thank you. I love my little girl, I really do. She's eight months now and she's great fun. I can't imagine life without her, and I know how lucky I am to be her mummy.
    However there are days when I find being a mother the hardest job in the world. In fact for the first four months of her life I think I cried more than I smiled. All my baby friends seemed to be loving their little bundle of joys and seemed to have babies who slept through the night and never cried! I couldn't understand why my baby was different. I felt like I was failing at what I presumed was supposed to come naturally. In retrospect I believe I had mild post natal depression but didn't want to admit it. I felt so guilty that I wasn't taking the advice from practically every new baby card we received and "enjoying every second of this special time". It wasn't until I discovered blogs like yours that I realised it wasn't just me! I thank you for making me smile, for being honest, and helping me to realise that's just how motherhood can be sometimes and as a result helping me enjoy being a mummy!

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  58. its nice to see you can cope with all this without resorting to hurting your children, think of all those poor kiddies with really bad parents that abuse their babies and toddlers, usually for no reason at all. You are honest and loving and want the best for your kids , well done.
    you are doing your best xxxx

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  59. Love your blog, only discovered it recently . I've only the one so it's generally not too bad.on mornings when he's being a nightmare though there's def a sense of relief dropping him to creche.i think I told them as much after a v bad morning a while back. We're all human, we adore them . doesn't mean they don't drive you bonkers at times though . It's healthy to admit it.

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  60. Amen! It's the knowing that what I'm feeling is normal and that I'm not the only one that keeps me going!

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  61. I don't have children but work in education. I think your blog is great! I have passed on your blog link to many friends (with and without children) who think it's great too. Anyone who has, or indeed works with, children must surely be able to relate to it. :-)

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  62. Lovely honesty! About bloody time people realised that happy family life is about more than the yummy mummy! My friend and I were only laughing the other day about our eighties childhood where our parents went to the pub and our treat was being jammed into a ford cortina for the afternoon with five siblings eating a packet of crisps, with a pickled egg and a bottle of coke with a straw stuck in it....ahhhh good times! Would I do that now...never, I'd be on the front page of the Daily Hate Mail quicker than you could say 'inadequate mother'. But no one called my parents inadequate because they loved us, did their very best for us, and that was good enough. Now it's all organic this, educational ability that, blah,blah,blah! Keep up the good work, I salute you xxx

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  63. I'm ashamed to admit. I like bubble guppies. Sorry.

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  64. I hardly feel I can find the words to express how grateful I am for your blog. I discovered it just over a month ago, just before having my second and reading your experiences and all the comments has made me feel so much better because I can now see it to is perfectly normal to struggle and not to enjoy every moment! And by helping me to accept this I am starting to be able to enjoy parenting and all the rubbish moments that would have previously left me crumbling. Thank you so much!

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  65. I adopted my now 3 year old son 11 months ago and it was life changing obviously but I felt so guilty for the first 6 months for my 'off' days, disliking any parts of being a mother, not being perfect. Your blog has been one of the biggest factors that have helped me realise that it is ok that I am not 'perfect' and since I have stopped feeling guilty for every little thing and cut myself some slack now and again, I feel I am starting to turn into a much more confident mother which my son obviously benefits from. Thank you ! You give us strength

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  66. Today, I went tο thhe beach witɦ my children. I founmd a sea shell ɑnd
    gave it to mƴ 4 yеar old daughter аnd said "You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear." SҺe put thе shell tto ɦeг ear and screamed.
    Therе wass a hermit crwb іnside and iit pinched her ear.

    She nevеr wantѕ to go back!LoL I know this iѕ totally ooff topic bbut Ι had tο tell someone!


    Sttop ƅy mү homеpage: how to make Wine at home

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  67. I went through an early menopause 16 years ago and have since had two amazing children (and 7 others who never made it). I suffered with PND for three years until the birth of the second and only then I realised that I had been suffering.
    I struggle everyday with my kids. I love them so much it hurts, and it hurts just as much struggling with them.
    Your blog is helpful and beautiful on a level that I never through possible. You have given me strength, enougtagment and the ability to turn round to the Cheshire set mums and tell them to do one!
    I still long for a sick day but this is the best and hardest job in the world. I'm grateful beyond belief as we all are but knowing I'm not alone is the best thing ever
    Thank you xxxx

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  68. Don't stop the honest blogging! It is infinitely more helpful, reassuring, funny, affirming and bloody brilliant than any manner of smug, picture-perfect blogs. I gave up following the blogs of mothers leading marvelous lives filled with yoga retreats and chai lattes because, quite frankly, they appeared to have nothing in common with my reality. My reality is like your reality, with ups, downs, anger, tears, love and laughter. And the crappy bits are easier to be funny about ;)

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  69. "You don't know how lucky you are" is the most patronising statement that we hear far too often!

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  70. You are a long, long, long way from anyone criticising you. They are living on another planet if this is not a good part of parenting small children for them. I'm through it now and onto the passive aggressive stage of teenage parenting. If you make it through the exhausting littlies stage you'll be crying into your wine for those days when they didn't answer you back. It feels like a thankless task sometimes. Saying all that though. I love my children deeply. They have helped me through the trauma of the death of their dad and my darling husband. They are so funny and talented and will soon fly the nest. Where will I be then?

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  71. Thank you. It is refreshing to see that there are others out there that have days where they are not tge image of a perfect yummy mummy day. my son is my precious little miracle. At 40 I never thought I would be lucky but 8 months on I feel blessed every day. Reading your blog has helped me with postnatal illness.

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  72. My son is twenty eight now, married, and a lovely good hearted, responsible man. As a baby, toddler and child, he was uncomplicated, polite, well behaved and a joy to be with.......however, I still had days when I just wanted to run as fast and as far as possible from the 'joys of motherhood'!
    I love reading your blog, it makes me giggle and remember how hard those child rearing days were at times!
    Keep on being honest, if people don't like reading what you write, they can sod off, no-one holds a gun to their head forcing them to read what is, in effect your diary!
    And at all times, remember, they'll soon be teenagers, so appreciate this time, before their testosterone levels go through the roof. They go to bed at night as your lovely boy, and get up the following morning like the 'creature from the black lagoon', hairy legged and grunting.....it's such a joy!
    Then of course, there's the learning to drive, going away to Uni, working miles away from home, buying a house, getting married, the worrying about them never ends, but nor does the greatest and purest love in the world, it's exhausting, stressful and ultimately worth every second of it all!
    Enjoy your children, even when they're driving you to distraction, they are, after all, the greatest love of your life!

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  73. It's sad that you have had to write this post - what happened to supporting each other as parents and embracing differences? I am not really into lifestyle / instagram photo heavy blogs as it happens, but I would never be so arrogant as to think they need to change what they're doing - they are obviously popular and loved by many so all power to them.

    Until seeing your post on FB last night, I had just read one along the lines of what you are referring to - but it wasn't harsh and I saw it just as an interesting discussion of where parenting stuff was going - from the 'perfect life' blog to 'realistic / light-hearted' and beyond. I actually did agree that it can be a bit tiring reading constantly negative stuff or a little baffling when people show nothing but wrath towards their kids. I am NOT talking about your blog (or mine ha!) or any specific blog actually, just articles I have come across sometimes on sites that are not my cup of tea. That's all though - they obviously work for lots of people - fair dues. The point of writing about parenting isn't to express one uniformed opinion about it. Anyway, I have since found and read the other posts - and their comments - there does seem to be a lot of bandwagon jumping and harshness. I'm firmly in the honest camp and did not start a blog to paint a picture of family bliss - I tell the truth and I'm proud of that.

    I guess as you have probably already found, with a lot of exposure and success there can be a bit of a dark side through people criticising or picking on things, which this seems to be an extension of. It is sad though as only a few weeks ago there was the lovely post from Complicated Gorgeousness about how refreshing the wave of talking honestly about parenting is (in which we were mentioned) so don't forget that for every blogger that doesn't 'approve' there are so many more who love what you are doing and how you are doing it, not to mention the rest of the web. I had some harsh comments in a piece for Parentdish once about the realities of dining out with a baby - what was wrong with me that I couldn't control my child - babies just need to be taught how to sit patiently whilst the adults have long chats over the dessert menu etc... It did knock me until someone pointed out that if true, though these people were bloody lucky, an uneventful meal at Harvester doesn't exactly make for entertaining reading and it is good to write something that others can relate to and laugh about.

    I think the swearing thing is a bit of a red herring too, as that's just personal preference and depends on the weight people attribute to certain words. For example, my husband and I regularly refer to the toddler as an asshole (sort of affectionately...) but hearing someone tell their child to shut up for example would make me sad even though it's not swearing (and I'm not saying I'll never do it!!) So some might say there kids are being little monsters, some might say little shits but generally, we all mean the same thing.

    Also, as another IVF mum who has also had a loss, let me clarify that I am just a normal woman, trying to raise a family and facing the same challenges. I appreciate the absolute bones of my boy - I perhaps think about the miracle side of it all a fair bit - though I have no idea what anyone else does, but it doesn't mean I don't struggle and that every failed bed time isn't a massive, frustrating headache. It is so much more important to chip away at some mums feelings of isolation which you have done, than try to tone everything down in an attempt to please others.

    My comment must be as long as your post - sorry! But felt compelled to jump in and send a virtual thumbs up from a fellow honest mum.

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  74. I've got to say, I don't actually think it's anyone's place to tell you what is 'overstepping the mark' on your blog. We all blog for different reasons and those arguing that 'one day your kids might see it' haven't taken into account that maybe you don't want your kids to see it. Maybe you blog for you. You've said many times that it's therapeutic. And in your case I guess because your blog has got so big there is a chance your kids might see it when they grow up but if they do they'll also see all the lovely things you write about them too. I find it massively insulting that the perfect mum brigade are trying to suggest that just because you have a bit of a moan now and then you don't love your kids or enjoy being a parent.

    As much as healthy debate can be a good thing, this is just another way of competitive mums trying to cast a critical eye over other parents. If they are so offended by what you write or how to speak then they could just unfollow rather than dedicating a whole series of clique-y blog posts to telling other mums how wrong they are. All it does is make others feel bad, why not live and let live? If you were to start a blogging about how their style was boring or unrealistic I'm sure you'd get it right in the neck. Just seems really bitchy to me, sorry.

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  75. AMEN!
    Still my favourite blog to read of all time, keep it real always x

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  76. Kelda hardwick7 May 2015 at 13:43

    My son was born prematurely at 28 weeks in February and we have spent a lot of time in hospital getting him ready for the outside world. My time so far as a Mum has been both amazing and terrifying in equal measures and I think my husband and I are more acutely aware than most of how lucky we are to have him here. That doesn't mean that night feeds and sleep deprivation are any easier or that I don't find your blog hilarious and helpful! We're a long way off the terrible twos but your blog despite the sweary bits actually makes me excited for what lies ahead and im pretty sure a blog just telling me how amazing being a parent is wouldn't have made me feel like that - we all already know how mind blowingly awesome our children are so keep up the good work please!

    Ps I also passed on your blog to my friend who is struggling with her newborn and she actually said 'she's made me feel normal"

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  77. Well put! I have just started writing a similar thing after reading some negative articles criticising honest blogging. when I had my first baby it was all about the perfect mum shit and I constantly felt NOT good enough. Thank god for honest blogging I say. Fuck the backlash. Let's backlash the backlash!

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  78. Oh don't ever stop!! I love this blog so much. It brightens my day. I have a proper laugh thanks to you. (tho I will comment as anonymous in case anyone finds out that it's not all shiny happy love non stop! )

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  79. As a mum I get the most enjoyment from dipping in and out of both styles of blogs, the honest sweary ones and the feel-good ones. I think there is something to be found in both, consolation and humour in one and inspiration and a motivational kick up the arse in the other. Let's be honest, who doesn't want a slice of that super mum life with the glossy photos and the great ideas now and then? I find that sometimes they can be really motivational. I think the danger lies in looking at these glossy blogs as representing the 'norm', which for most people it isn't. But equally I don't want to read about how someone's little brats have peed them off and made them lose their shit ALL the time either. There is room for both.

    I also think that just as there was a surge in popularity for these so called 'supermum' blogs several years ago, the honest sweary blogs are now having their day and have almost become the latest trend. It would be great if there was more balance in both genres, both which I find entertaining for different reasons.

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    1. Amen to all of that. I really think there is room for both, and that blogs need not be one extreme or the other. Variety is the spice of life as they say, I like a bit of gloss too. Thanks for reading and commenting.

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  80. I think there is a place for both kinds of blogs, and I enjoy reading all kinds of posts. My own blog is a mixture of good and bad and I am always honest about my feelings, even if that means I say 'Today I had a bad day.'

    However, my personal opinion is that despite all of that there isn't a place for offensive posts about your children or using them to generate laughs and traffic. It's one thing to say 'I'm so glad it's bedtime, today was hard' and another to say 'I fucking hate my kids.' It's not necessary and I just avoid that kind of thing because I don't agree with it.

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    1. Thanks Charlotte, I completely agree that there is a place for all kinds of blogs, and also that they don't have to document just the good days or just the bad days - life is usually a mixture of both! My blog is more sweary than most but I would never say 'I fucking hate my kids', not least because it would be untrue (and offensive)! This post was in response to some comments which were nothing but hurtful. I actually really enjoy discussion and appreciate comments like yours, so thank you.

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  81. Hello Unmumsy Mum, I may be alone here but as a dad I also love your blogs as it makes me realise how difficult it can be being a full time mum. I have my regular DDC (Daddy Day Care) days where even I have moments where I struggle. Negotiating with a two year old is not easy and can test the patience of a saint. Keep up with the blogs.

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    1. Thanks Simon, appreciate it - you're not alone, my husband says the same!! Ta for reading x

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  82. Thank you for being down to earth & talking about the realistic side of motherhood! Life isn't easy, being a mum isn't easy, but when you hear "I love you mummy" it makes it all worthwhile. X

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  83. I love reading your blog. I don't understand why other bloggers butt in your business and i don't understand why are they so offended about what YOU say about YOUR children! Who called their kids DICKS? No one ... so what's the problem? One of the bloggers has written a n article saying that we hate our kids because we call them names. WHAT?? Who said that only because we call them names we hate them as well? Is my child and i can call him what i want and is nothing to do with you. I have actually unfollowed them because i think they're absolute hypocrites so keep up what you're doing and ignore the likes of all the above 'bloggers' that have the guts to even comment on this post x

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  84. We all think you're brilliant. I've never seen the point of following a blog before and now I do! I guess it shows that everyone has different tastes in what they read but seems a shame that some people can't just accept that and need to be negative.

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  85. Brilliant. My blog has stalled, quite frankly because I've barely got time to bloody fart let alone write, but I saw a link to your blog on a friend's FB page and it reminded me why I should do it. We will never, ever get this merry hell back - there will come a time when we look back and wish this madness back upon ourselves - we will lament the time when we couldn't take a shit in peace, when the yell of 'MUUUUUUMMMMMM' drove us to wine. Can't quite comprehend it now, but apparently there will come a day when we want all this back. Off to update my blog, thank you :)

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  86. said fantastically- we dont all need to wax lyrical about our treasures (sods) and its so good to know that on our poopy days we aren't alone- too many blogs give the impression that we are failing as parents if everything isnt as perfect as their lives. long may unmumsy-ness last!!!

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  87. Hi,
    Thank you so much for your blog. I don't have children, hoping to in the next few years :-) It is refreshing to see the other perspective on having children, no-one talks about how difficult it is! A friend of mine has two young boys, I see them trying to pull tea cups of the side / throwing stuff at the walls / food on the floor etc, and wondered if it was just me thinking how full on it seemed! So nice to know everyone goes through it :-)

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    1. Same! I don't have children yet (hoping within the next 3-4 years) but its so different having someone show the 'warts and all' side of it. Normally I just hear 'oh its not that bad', 'children are a blessing' 'i got 4 hours tonight so i'm not that tired, they did really well'. I just look at them like, omg really?! It'll be easy then (i'd prob be crying if i'd had 4 hours sleep)! Then i started working as a childminder and while they are (mostly) really well behaved, lovely children who have such unique personalities when their with us, i see how much they can play up for their parents and i'm just like oh god, do i really want this XD Sorry just realised that i'm ranting. We'll just see how it goes, warts and all, we don't exactly get an instruction manual do we?

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  88. Great post! I don't understand why it's okay to go on and on about perceived teenage parenting hell but everyone is supposed to pretend raising infants and toddlers is all hearts and flowers.

    I can't tell you how many people told me when my two were babies/toddlers that I should enjoy it now because it goes by so quickly and I'll miss it and just wait until they are teenagers.

    Well guess what? They are teenagers now and I don't miss a day of the infant/toddler young childhood years.

    Nor do I agree with the bad press teenagers get. For me? These years have been fantastic. Yes, eye rolls, arguments and all. Because now I understand why they are irritated and don't want to do something. I didn't want to do my homework either. I'd rather skype with my friends all day too. I get it and I understand how to reason with them so we can work through our differences of opinions.

    I can't say the same for the irrational screaming when they were toddlers because there was a green piece of cereal mixed with the blue. WHAT???


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  89. You're doing (brilliantly) the blog that I was trying to do when I set up my twitter. It is absolutely ESSENTIAL that there is honesty in talk about parenting otherwise those of us who find it a bit hard and who aren't perfect will just feel all alone and go crazy and get depressed. Keep up the good work! 😊

    Love from @CandidMum

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  90. I have recently started reading your blog and I bloody love it. Not least because I write an uncannily similar 'warts and all' blog. We even use similar phrases and have written about the same topics. Incidentally, I also have two boys. I hear you, sister. https://wordpress.com/posts/carrielav.wordpress.com

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