Colouring pens coming out, colouring pens being lobbed at the baby, colouring pens being confiscated.
Threenager screaming over inadequate choice of cereal bowl (and confiscated pens).
Phineas and Fucking Ferb. There's 104 days of summer vacation... *dies a bit inside*
Baby doing the horror movie floor drag to the kitchen bin (to lick it) and bumping his head.
Packing a picnic for the park. HELLO SUPERMUM.
Sitting on wet grass due to lack of picnic bench. Invigilating fight over rice cakes (side note: rice cakes were the picnic). Muttering "for fuck's sake" several times whilst re-allocating rice cakes. RIP SuperMum, she would have packed a picnic blanket.
Baby shitting through all layers. Baby crying because he didn't want shitty layers removed.
BISCUIT BRIBERY
BISCUIT BRIBERY
BISCUIT BRIBERY
Did I mention Mr Unmumsy was in bed with a bug? And it's still only 4pm *laughs hysterically*
May the 4th be with you...pass the wine.
The Unmumsy Mum
wine solves a multitude of mumsy problems, keep it with you AT ALL TIMES - or gin.
ReplyDeleteJoy (mum to 4 (all thankfully now adult) boys x x x
Wine - that's what flasks were made for.
ReplyDeleteFrom 7.30 am I have had requests for iPad and new games from my 4yo son. His 5yo sister has the sense to have a lay in until he wakes her up too with his incessant nagging for new iPad games. So far today I have caved in 4 times, confiscated said iPad about 12 times, sent him to his room 6 times, been hit about 4 times due to declining his requests for the bloody games. I don't know how many times I've yelled or sworn, but I can hear the foreign lady squawking at her kids too today. There's something in the water here I swear!
ReplyDeleteIt's days like this where I could murder a bottle of absolut vanilla vodka, but I'm pregnant with joyous little cherub number three.... What in gods name was I thinking?!?!
In the park being all like "I like to let him be independent and explore and get messy" HE then hf eats a gag butt.
ReplyDelete**fag
ReplyDeleteThe highght of my bank holiday Monday was my 3 year old asking me 'what's that seedy noise' ha ha
ReplyDeleteOmg! Woke up at 6.45 and Satan had possessed my oldest 2 throwing stuff at everything all day (more stuff confiscated than not) ignoring every word like im speaking another language!! Youngest is cutting 2 teeth the ever enjoyable and long lasting clinging and crying even after calpol and teething gel, I feel for him tooth ache sucks but I have to pee! All 3 in bed early as I need to regain my sanity! And tidy up the mountain of crap they decided to lob around the whole downstairs. Oh rainy bank holiday Monday you can graciously sod off!
ReplyDeleteBeen at work all weekend, would rather have been at home with my 4 kids.
ReplyDeleteoh buggar! this has just reminded me to give my "threenager" his bike back after it was confiscated for an hour at 7:50 this morning..... oops
ReplyDeleteIt could have been worse. You could have gone to Ikea ;) x
ReplyDeleteAt least you managed to have enough food in the house to even consider taking a picnic
ReplyDeleteThis saved you the ridiculous que, the bloody extortionate prices for the shitty food and the "eurgh, this doesn't taste like cheese" cries in the park cafe!
"I will never, ever, ever, ever be able to wear shorts ever, ever, ever again. It will rain every day for the rest of my life" said by my threenager through streaming snot and tears. Please can we have a summer this year, so I don't have too many days like this?
ReplyDeleteI hear you all Hate summer holidays even more.....
ReplyDeleteAt home all of the summer holidays and have enrolled the threenager into summer activities for 6 of the 8 weeks, so i've got more peace of mind to spend the days with baby.
ReplyDeleteWho mentioned the summer holidays? FFS. I am only just over Easter.
ReplyDeleteTrip to the seaside ends up with 5yo neck up, fully clothed in a rock pool and me slip sliding across the infernally treacherous rocks (of which, I, of course, got my leg wedged between doing so) just to see him skipping back past me into the next rock pool!! *swearing, cursing, punching the damn rocks!!* Not to worry, only a 7 hour drive home with a wide awake sodden child and my leg swelling in size as I manoeuvre the pedals! Hate to think what state I'll be in for the summer holidays!! This was only one day!
ReplyDeleteLove your work! Brings out the honesty in 'Blissful Parenthood' of which, of course, none of us would change :)
Ah the cold, unadulterated truth! Love it x
ReplyDeleteOnly just found your blog but I'm so glad I have! It has kept me laughing and nodding in agreement since I got up with my 20month old daughter at 5 this morning (despite her having a late night last night and although a long time ago used to think that meant a lie-in but now know otherwise) as I was reading your blog, admittedly got slightly too involved and distracted I realised she had gone rather quiet.... I looked up to find her out of sight... she had somehow managed to sneak away with my box of birthday chocolates and hid behind the bedroom door and taken a bite out of every one.... hmm think I'm in for a great day!!
ReplyDeleteThis was our bank holiday- trip out to a pub, first time in a while. Husband at the bar ordering drinks, baby projectile vomits all over the table and bar stools. Twice. Husband returns with drinks, we down them and leave promptly both me and baby covered in sick. End of bank holiday activities. 😂
ReplyDeleteglad it isn't just my baby that wants to lick the kitchen bin! xxx
ReplyDeleteMy only real experience in baby mess was when I was working as a dishwasher at a hotel in Tasmania. I got called out onto the restaurant floor (an event unheard because the backroom staff were generally regarded as being just about one rung on the ladder above sightless trolls) to clear up some baby sick. When I got out there with the mop and bucket the Mum was over-apologetic and mortified that I had to clean up. I told her not to worry and that it was fine but I told her this before I had seen the satanic nuclear mess that her child had vomited onto the floor. Got it cleaned up though, and I don't think she noticed me gagging into my apron.
ReplyDelete