Saturday, 25 July 2015

Baking in ten easy steps (by my three year old)

Step one
Start fondling the sweets you chose for decoration whilst your Mummy weighs out the boring stuff. She will let you have a sweet to keep you quiet because she's trying to concentrate. Take four.

"One for me, one for me..."

Step two
Have a turn at breaking an egg. Throw the egg along with half the shell into the bowl. Keep asking "can I try the mixture, can I try the mixture?" as she mixes it.

Step three
Accidentally stick your whole hand in the cake mix, lick all your fingers and stick it back in again. Reiterate that this was an accident.

Step four
Help spoon the mixture in the cake cases, mostly missing the cases altogether. Mostly aiming for your mouth.

Step five
Hover near the oven because it's hilarious to watch her shout "step away, it's hot!" every 20 seconds.

Step six
When the cakes are out of the oven, she will insist they need to cool before they can be iced. This is lies. Keep touching them whilst whinging "but Muuuummmmm they're not too hot!" until she starts mixing the icing.

Step seven
This is the best bit. She will be keen to decorate a couple of cakes herself so will give you a few of your own. Smother icing all over the worktop and your hands. Get stuck in. She will look quite disturbed by your haphazard decorating technique.

Step eight
Shovel further icing and sweets into your gob whilst she goes to get a cloth. This could be your last chance, though have a word with your baby brother beforehand as a cupboard-emptying performance can also serve as a distraction. If he drops a pan on his foot he gets a gummy bear later, that's the rules.

Good work bro, I knew you'd come good eventually

Step nine
Ask to watch TV, you'll be granted at least two episodes of Scooby Doo whilst she sorts out the 'bloody mess' in the kitchen. The funny thing is there isn't even any blood. Silly Mummy! If you are aiming for a third episode and/or the iPad maybe 'help' with sifting the flour in Step Two.

Step ten
Tell your Daddy all about his surprise birthday buns the moment he gets in the door. Tell him where they are hidden and that there are candles. Watch Mummy do that strange thing where she puts her hands over her eyes and sighs. HA HA HA HA Mummy you're such a card.

Bake It Better
19-25 October is Great Ormond Street Hospital Children's Charity's #BakeItBetter campaign. Find out how you can get involved (by holding a bake sale and other fun* activities) at
*Or if like me you find baking a total nightmare you can just donate and eat somebody else's cakes with a cup of tea instead.

The Unmumsy Mum


  1. Hilarious! :-)

  2. Loool..usually when one of them shoves a toy car in the dvd player. Sounds OH so familiar!!!! Love it! Made me really laugh X

  3. I bet he gets away with it once he flashes you that gorgeous smile though!

  4. Oh, it sounds so familiar!

  5. Yes this happen with my daughter on Saturday ended up shouting and doing it myself never again I say until I forget all about it and start all the steps again next week

  6. Step 5 is hilarious. In our house its "stand back its very hot, very very hot" while the eldest stands with her back to the cupboard opposite! X

  7. Never ever give a toddler hundreds & thousands! I'm still finding them months later.

  8. So accurate and very timely! I attempted baking with the two toddlers yesterday!

  9. Hahaha know this only too well, add in 2yr old and 4yr old 'taking turns' and you lose count of how much of everything is in the bowl, you continuously try not to shout as it meant to be fun but all you want to say is stop flicking it everywhere, keep the cake mix in the bowl not over the ceiling, you then pick up 2 yr old who commences to wipe said cake mix/flour/ icing all over you ;) only bonus is you also eat 5 cakes while hid in the pantry!!!

  10. I think I'll leave baking to the grandparents!

  11. This is hilarious and definitely fits my son really well. I usually do the baking at my home while my wife makes the delicious meals. It's really fun and I really enjoy it, but my son might like it more. I'll have to train him in the arts of being a baking chef down the line, he might really enjoy it!