Thursday, 16 July 2015

An alternative Peppa Pig script

Narrator: It's a lovely sunny day and Peppa and George are playing in the garden.

Peppa: I'm better at jumping up and down in muddy puddles than you are. You're rubbish.

[GEORGE KICKS PEPPA, PEPPA RUNS INSIDE CRYING]

Narrator: Mummy Pig is in the kitchen, wondering what happened to her life.

Mummy Pig: What's the matter, Peppa?
Peppa: George kicked me!
Mummy Pig: Jesus wept can you two not play nicely for five minutes?
George: NO
Peppa: NO
Mummy Pig: I'm calling Daddy Pig.

[MUMMY PIG DIALS DADDY PIG'S WORK. DADDY PIG ANSWERS]

Daddy Pig: Hello, Daddy Pig speaking
Mummy Pig: Why haven't you replied to my texts Daddy Pig? I've had just about enough of this day which has been going on FOREVER. What time will you be home?
Daddy Pig: Ahhh, I forgot to tell you... I'm working late.
Mummy Pig: Are you shitting me, Daddy Pig?
Daddy Pig: [laughs] Ho ho ho. I'm afraid not Mummy Pig. Do you need me to pick anything up on the way home?
Mummy Pig: Wine.

[MUMMY PIG HEADS BACK INTO THE GARDEN]

Mummy Pig: Peppa, George - what do you want to do until Daddy Pig comes home?
Peppa: Let's sing the Bing Bong song!
George: Bong bing boo, bing bong bing, bing bong bingly bongly boo (x2)

[MUMMY PIG POKES HER EYES OUT]

The end.

40 comments:

  1. Haha this is so funny yet typical of a normal day in my household!!! I'm back to work in a few weeks and actually looking forward to having a break from kids fighting and cbeebies!!!! Lol

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  2. Brilliant! Funniest thing I've read in ages - but only cos it's all so true!

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  3. Jesus christ, that is my life! It's like you're in my head!

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  4. That's made my day! Brilliant

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  5. Thank you for writing this, it really made me smile. So damn true

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  6. fab! There are lots of mummy pigs in the world 😊🍷

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  7. Reading this whilst watching said annoying pig (my 2 year old has decided today will be the day we scrap daytime naps aka mummys only solace) has made my day much more tolerable. Thank you! Any advice on how ti reinstate said daytime solace much appreciated. I'm not entirely against dosing her up on piriton!

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  8. Reading this on all fours, balancing over baby with my boob in his gob as that's the only way he will feed today without screaming... Made me LOL so hard it popped out and the screaming started again. Toddler (currently being babysat by c beebies) turns and says "he's just a bit narky, isn't he?". Might have to intoxicate the breast milk tonight...

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    1. Love the breastfeeding technique!

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  9. Hilarious and so true! Wine anyone?

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  10. Brilliant! I WISH they'd do an episode like this!

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  11. Just brilliant. Made me laugh so much

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  12. Oh no I've just realised I've read all your post in the last day I just found you yesterday and I already don't know how I lived without you love your blog its my life except the I've only one girl that feels like 20 at times keep up the good work love your blog

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  13. When I read this I actually heard the poxy pigs voices...
    Still, best peppa pig script ever!

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    1. I did too! Shows how much we put up with it for our munchkins. Woke my my 'Daddy Pig' so he could read this blog post too...

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    2. Needs "everyone loves the Bing bong song" at the end

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  14. I'm crying with laughter into my wine! Brilliant!

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  15. Loved this, thanks. Scarily I am now humming "dur dur dee dur dur, dur dur dur dur de duh duh"....or at least thats how I hum the theme tune after a glass of wine!

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  16. I think I've seen every Peppa episode going - but this would be the best one yet! Hilarious :) And my life every day (almost)!! xx

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  17. So funny definitely relate to this episode

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  18. Brilliant! I am a bit of an expert at these things.

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  19. Creasing up reading this, it's so true! Esp daddy pig not picking up texts

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  20. This is hilarious, snort snort... :D

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  21. GENIUS!!!!! Working late and not picking up texts!! WINE!! HAHA HA

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  22. Having had the longest day of my life (day 1 of 7 WEEKS of summer holidays) with my 3 little ones, I came across your post. I was literally snorting with laughter (verging on slightly hysterical tears...). You made my day. Thank you!

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  23. 100% accurate!

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  24. Brilliant, much better than the original! Keep going you do get there in the end, until you are a grandparent and it all seems to come around again!

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  25. I love this, my son is obsessed with Peppa Pig.

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  26. Started laughing while reading this post, then again the next day while thinking about it, then again 4 days later.. this is the gift that keeps on giving :)

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  27. I love this! Definitely read it in their voices..

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  28. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I love this!!! I actually really laughed out loud!!!!!

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  29. Peppa pig toys funny for kids
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jG8aoLF5rv0

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  30. Hilarious! With my middle child literally obsessed with Peppa Pig, this takes the cake! lol

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  31. Well everybody seems to love Peppa Pig
    We just went on a live show and it was fantastic

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