Twelve Reasons I'm The Last Person You Should Ask For Blogging Advice

I'm always flattered when I'm asked for my advice around starting a blog/reaching more people/my 'top social media tips' but the more messages I receive the more I realise just how unprofessional I am at this thing we call blogging.

Here are twelve reasons I'm underqualified to show anybody the blogging ropes:

1) I don't know what Bloglovin is.
Serious question, do I need this in my life?

2) Facebook is the lifeblood of my blog.
Though I have always felt like Twitter is the spiritual home of parent bloggers, my Facebook page is much busier. Sometimes I feel like I am on Facebook island, with the real parent bloggers hanging out in the other blue room with the birdy wallpaper.

3) I blog sporadically.
Sometimes twice in one week, sometimes just once a month. Occasionally I see other bloggers tweet, 'I'm behind on posting this week, sorry guys' and I think, 'fuck, I haven't posted for 5 weeks'. Is there an unsaid obligation of post regularity? Am I failing at that too?

4) I'm not on Pinterest.
I don't really have any interests outside of wine and Tom Hardy.

5) I have a blogspot website address.
I recently read something which said the most important thing about being taken seriously as a blogger is having your own www.nameofblog.com website address. I missed that memo early on and I'm not going to change it now.

6) My blog design is shite.
Equally important is the professional design of your blog page - the first impression created when people 'land' on your page. Usually there is a fancy header and customised social media buttons. Well bollocks and arse. My 'design' is a bloody shambles because I did it myself so it looks like a Year 9 IT project. I genuinely need to do something about that...*puts the kettle on instead.*

I know, I know. 'Tis a bit crap.

7) I don't do reviews.
In fact, I think I might be a bit PR unfriendly because I find it all a bit awkward so I just say no to everything. Thank you, but no thank you. And then later think shit, I should have taken the free stuff. Just to be clear I sometimes do mention stuff I've been given, I also mention stuff I've paid out for - but I don't review anything, it's just stuff I would have bought or used regardless.

8) I'm not making any money from my blog.
When somebody asked me, "how do you monetise your blog?" I was like, "Sorry what?" No idea what you're talking about, unless you mean from adverts which I decided against. I've also had messages asking me how many followers I had to attract before I could 'make a living' from my blog. Again, WTF? I make the same money from my 150k social media followers as I made from 50 followers i.e. the square root of fuck all.

9) I don't know what the Tots100 chart is.
I logged on once to find I'd 'dropped' down the rankings but have no idea what this means. I've now forgotten my password and I got distracted checking eBay the last time I thought about resetting it. I'll probably never check it again.

10) I've never hosted a 'linky' or come up with a weekly hashtag .
I'm looking at parent blogging legends like you BrummyMummyof2 with your #WickedWednesdays and you Al (The Dad Network) for your overall ease with all things Proper Parent Blogger. Hats off to you all, I'll just eat some crisps over here.

11) I've never scheduled a tweet.
Nor would I know how to do this. I tweet when I'm on hand to respond, is that not a good idea? I probably clog up the feeds of my followers with mass tweets in two hour stints when I'm chain-drinking wine tea on the sofa. I don't understand why I need to spread my tweets out? Again, this is a serious question. Answers on a postcard.

12) I've never been to a blogging event/do of any kind.
In fact the MAD blog awards do in September will be my first ever outing in my capacity as a 'blogger'. I've only ever met one other parent blogger. I am rubbish.

Basically, I don't really feel like a proper blogger. But in my own slightly unprofessional and rookie way I'm having a great time. Maybe there aren't any hard and fast rules, just guidelines that it probably makes sense to follow because they are mostly very sensible.

So to all the new bloggers who have messaged or emailed me to ask for tips I would say this: just do what you fancy.*

[*and maybe ask the slightly more proficient bloggers for genuine help, because jokes aside the blogging community is a bloody lovely one and if you rely on me for help you're drawing the short straw. Not a clue.] 

The Unmumsy Mum