A Letter To My Childless Former Self

How's your day going? I guess you have been at work, or out with friends, or at home enjoying a bottle of wine with your soon-to-be husband? Lovely.

You will probably have complained at some point today that you are fed up and/or tired. You are not really either of those things. Trust me...

There is so much I want to say to you about the years ahead. And about making the most of now. 

For starters, please listen to me when I tell you that you have unnecessary body hang-ups. Hips too big. Arms too fat. Dimply thighs. In the not too distant future you will long to have that same body back. You will realise that you were, in actual fact, quite slim. And toned. And the 'orange peel' you spotted was comparable in size to the orange of a borrower. Hardly worth mentioning. Post-children, people will kindly tell you you've 'lost the baby weight.' High fives. But you simply do not grow half a stone of human (twice) and come out looking the same.

One day you will stand half naked in the changing room of H&M (where they have installed both front and rear-view mirrors, thanks H&M) and you will cry. Your tummy will be squishy, those hips you hated so much will have stretch marks on both sides, and all at one you will realise what cellulite really looks like. The dimples are visible through leggings. Who knew? Enjoy that stomach of yours before it carries two babies. Do a starjump and enjoy not worrying about pelvic-floor failure. Invest in nice face creams whilst you can still afford them...

You want more money for those nice things right now. Of course you do - who doesn't? But the truth is, before children, you actually have plenty of it. You have a good job. You go on holiday. You have new clothes. Your hair looks freshly highlighted. You bought a new TV with your bonus from work. Your company car is immense. If you can't be bothered to cook you can spend £20 on Pizza Hut delivery. Twice in one week. You don't truly want for anything. And if you do, you have the ability to put money aside and save for it. The money coming in exceeds the money going out. In time you will come to realise that this was a luxury.

Enjoy this time - you will never get it back 

Because one day soon you will have no luxuries at all. By 2015, your bank balance will be remarkably unhealthy. The 'odd trip to Waitrose' will be a distant memory you laugh about. Because by then you won't even be able to afford to shop at Tesco. This week, the week I am writing to you, you will put your Aldi food shop on the credit card because the bank account is empty. You will no longer go on holiday - in fact you won't even be able to afford to join your sister and family for a weekend at Butlins. Somewhere the Childless You would probably laugh at. The Childless You is actually pretty snobby.

By 2015 you won't have the budget to be snobby. You will check your bank balance daily because you will be genuinely unsure whether or not you can afford to fill your shit car up with petrol. Your hair will get cut twice a year at most. You will never buy nice things for yourself or your husband. Almost every penny of your significantly reduced wages will go on bills, and some months there will be no surplus at all. There will be a deficit. And any money spent on clothes or nice things will always be for the children. Your children will always come first.

Your children. I bet that sounds strange. You are imagining life with two girls, I know you are. You always did think you would have daughters. Well my dear friend, maybe start imagining having sons instead because as it turns out you will have two boys.

I hope I haven't scared you about the lack of money and the stretch marks. You will care about these things a whole lot less than you might anticipate. Your priorities will change forever. Those boys become the centre of your world.
They are so very beautiful. And hilarious. You will laugh a lot.

They are also bloody hard work. And draining. You will cry a lot.

And that tiredness you are feeling now will be blown out of the water in comparison. Did you go out at the weekend? Was it another Hangover Sunday? Well, just a little heads up. HANGOVER SUNDAYS ARE DEAD TO YOU BY 2015. Enjoy them while you still can.

I'm not saying that life gets worse in the years to come. But shit is about to get real. So I want you to capture this child-free moment and bottle it. The lie-ins, the shopping trips, the nights out, the evenings working late in the office uninterrupted and alone because it doesn't matter if you miss teatime. Your life is about to change forever and you should be prepared for that.
The you of the future may be poorer (and knackered) but in equal measure you will feel richer for having discovered what is really important.

For now, please bathe in the glory of your child-free life which is a special time in its own right.

And start doing some pelvic floor exercises.

Love,

Your Future Self (with the benefit of hindsight)
Xx