Wednesday, 21 January 2015

Lesson 41: Ten Reasons Why Work Is A Holiday

1) You can drink a cup of tea. Whilst it is hot. You can also put it down unattended and enjoy not having to scream 'Watch my tea. Watch my TEA!' as a small person toddles close to it.

2) You get to wear something which doesn't have vomit-crust on the sleeve. You may even branch out from leggings. You little minx.

3) You don't get followed to the toilet, or watched whilst you are on the toilet (hopefully). You could even sit there in silence for half an hour if you wanted to (though it might lead your workmates to conclude you are doing a Number Two, so best not).

4) Your lunch is your lunch. It doesn't get stolen. Or sneezed on.

5) Nobody in the office climbs all over you (unless you want them to - which is, of course, your business). You won't feel the urge to lock yourself in the toilet with your fingers in your ears shouting 'will everybody just LEAVE ME ALONE' (whilst crying). Yes, this has happened at home.

6) There is less risk of actual bodily harm, as the odds of getting smacked around the head with a Lights & Sounds Police Car are significantly lower.

7) You can converse all day with adults talking about Coronation Street, diets and affairs ('She DIDN'T! So she wasn't really at Zumba?')

8) You will go more than fifteen minutes without having to use a baby wipe for some kind of bodily spillage.

9) Telephones ringing, computer keyboards clicking, a low murmur of voices....all these noises are preferable to the brain-drilling chorus of children screaming over the alarm from Fireman Sam's Ocean Rescue Centre. (Incidentally 'Sorry darling, we've run out of batteries' is a lie executed daily at home).

10) Finally, you can go for a walk on your lunch break. Alone. WITHOUT CARRYING A BAG.

Disclaimer
Whilst at work, the lesser appreciated benefits of Staying At Home might be missed. These include:
- Not having to make small talk with people you don't really like
- Eating what you fancy without being silently judged by colleagues on diets
- Not having to get dressed. Or washed.
- Watching Homes Under The Hammer

I will miss these buggers
The work day also brings with it the realisation that sometimes you will miss your children so much your heart will hurt. Hurty heart I call it. Pretty sure it's a medical condition.
 
The Unmumsy Mum
(Returning to work in four weeks, bit sad about the Hurty Heart but mostly feeling gleeful in light of points 1-10).


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34 comments:

  1. Unknown23 January 2015 at 12:05

    Loved that! I went back to work this week and had a sever case of Hurty Heart when I got home last night and my little man was tucked up in bed and I didn't put him there. Points 1-10 cheered me right up! Xx

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  2. The Unmumsy Mum23 January 2015 at 14:20

    Aww hope work went okay!! I think you feel guilty no matter what you do - no perfect solution, but work can feel like a godsend sometimes!! Thanks for reading :-)

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  3. Anonymous23 March 2015 at 11:36

    Hope work is giving you some sanity. I run a party plan business so mostly go out when my two have gone to bed and they think mummy parties for a living (which in their world involves soft play, cake and party bags!) Still get hurty heart though when I leave before bedtime or they don't want me to go x

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  4. 30s in Birmingham7 April 2015 at 19:26

    I love work because of points 1-10. I do 3 days per week and its a great balance as the hurty heart soon dissipates by thursday when im up at 530 with the little monkey swinging from wall to wall. Still....the pettiness of none mummy issues makes me realise how important my little man is. I do think you should add asilent journey to work listening to the radio. Yes the radio! Not nursery rhymes and driving calmly not on the edge wondering if you will be screamed at and nothing you cam do about it. My commute is bliss.

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  5. Anonymous7 April 2015 at 19:46

    And when you work from home? There are times I yearn for office life but these only usually happen in the school holidays. Most of the time, I can be holding high-level discussions with energy companies whilst in my pyjamas with unbrushed teeth. I am a lucky SOB ;-)

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  6. Anonymous7 April 2015 at 19:49

    Great post, so true! Back to work in 2 weeks after baby number two, hurry heart already threatening in advance. Will have to be more careful not to burst into a peppa pig jingle during meetings this time!

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  7. Anonymous7 April 2015 at 20:13

    Brilliant! Will be returning to work in august and no doubt will also suffer from hurty heart however I'm ridiculously excited about point number 3! Loving the blog by the way, never fails to make me chuckle in agreement x

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  8. Physics Bear7 April 2015 at 20:28

    Oh, definitely Hurty Heart some days, but points 1-10 are incredibly true. The bliss of going to the loo alone. The joy of deciding you'd like a cup of coffee and just being able to and get one without a ten minute negotiated extraction from the current game, plus returning from the kitchen six times mid brew-up to find out what that cry of "Mummy!" was about...

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  9. laura b8 April 2015 at 15:24

    Laughed out loud at the one about sitting in silence on the toilet at work, I do that so my colleagues must think I have bowel troubles.....

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  10. Amanda K8 April 2015 at 18:40

    Great post, thank you! Will reread 1-10 when Hurty heart kicks in! Xx

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  11. Anonymous9 April 2015 at 08:22

    So true! I LOVE my job, love being at work and so I'm able to love my day at home with the kids too. But I had a severe case of Hurty Heart the other day, when I was driving to a meeting and drove past the kids running to the park with their (wonderful) Childminder.
    I did think for a minute 'WTF am I doing?' but ultimately I would go crazy at home all the time. They're better off with me at work really.

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  12. Anonymous9 April 2015 at 11:40

    I really do wonder why some of you bothered having children if it's so awful and you're so bad at it! You chose to have them so stop bleating about it you moaning mummy martyrs 😤

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    Replies
    1. Gina13 May 2015 at 00:46

      Why bother reading this blog?

      Delete
    2. Anonymous13 May 2015 at 21:31

      Oh dear. It's only a bit if fun

      Delete
    3. Anonymous14 May 2015 at 09:16

      @Anonymous9 April 2015 at 11:40

      If you consider mums wanting a hot brew and quiet wee 'awful' and make accusations about us being bad mothers for making light of it, what kind of person does that make you???

      This blog is aimed at mothers who are overcome with love for their children, but who like to share and laugh/cry about the difficult times...!

      If you're such a fantastic mother and raising children really is so easy, maybe you should write a book???

      Delete
  13. Anonymous10 April 2015 at 22:37

    Dear Anonymous above...please take your opinions and stick them up your arse..We are not martyrs we are just finding the humour in the sometimes tedious, often hard and ultimately rewarding job of raising kids...now piss back off to the super mummy page where you belong!!

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  14. Anonymous12 May 2015 at 22:22

    Love anonymous above post - LOL! One above that needs to get a sense of humour and a life - seriously!

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  15. soon to be mrs R12 May 2015 at 22:56

    Ooh I knee this would cause some backlash with the perfect mums! 😂
    Love this post! I am due to return back to part time work soon and I am looking forward to points 1-10 can't say that I'm looking forward to some hurry heart though :/ love my gorgeous little guy but also looking forward to some me time! Xx

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  16. Anonymous13 May 2015 at 03:51

    Ok you have definately convinced me that I need to change career! As a teacher I miss out on pretty much all of these benefits! Yep even number 4! I have to eat with my class and a kid actually ate food from my plate! A 10 year old!

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  17. Unknown13 May 2015 at 09:34

    Your posts allow me to go to sleep giggling after reading them, rather than a I'm a crap mummy vibe! Thank you for your continued honesty and for just being you! Much respect! Xx

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  18. JMC313 May 2015 at 09:35

    this is the longest I have had off with any of my children (10mths) and do wonder whether I should of gone back to work a month ago for my own sanity!!!! Seemed to shout a lot less with the others and went back after 6mths with them! I think I am definitely missing the 45min train journey to and from work which was heaven!!!

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  19. Unknown13 May 2015 at 09:37

    Thank you for your honesty and for just being you. You allow me to go to sleep chuckling to myself after reading your posts and not feeling so alone with a crap mummy vibe! Much respect! Xx

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  20. Anonymous13 May 2015 at 15:30

    All true, then pick up little boy from school and you get the "i only cried an ikkle bit Daddy because i missed you" guilt trip. And yes i did miss him

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  21. Anonymous13 May 2015 at 21:29

    So I work at a nursery looking after babies. So clothes still have sick all over them. The joy. Also my daughter goes to the nursery I work at so no hurty heart. She starts school in September so I will soon have hurty heart :( xxx

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  22. Anonymous13 May 2015 at 22:19

    I couldnt have left my babies with anyone. Why have them - to leave them?

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous17 July 2015 at 18:11

      Sometimes your choice is to work and have kids or work and not have kids.... My kids, now 8 and almost 12 are fine thanks and doing very well emotionally and educationally despite a child minder raising them with me for four years... My child minder still sees them every week at least and calls them her extra daughters.... stop being so narrow minded.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous24 July 2015 at 12:37

      Well how lucky you are to have the option to have children and not have to go to work and make money. If only we all had the same luxury! Options in life shouldn't be either have a job or become a parent, it is possible to do both! I like showing my children that I go to work to make money so we can do nice things. They understand that money doesn't just grow on trees and is earned.

      Delete
  23. Anonymous14 May 2015 at 08:38

    I love Mummies that Mummys that work so Nanny gets a Nanny Day Care slot in the timetable :-) Perhaps not so great for anyone Mummy, Nanny or Child if full time though.

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  24. Anonymous24 May 2015 at 10:12

    Re. 'Having them to leave them' post, sadly there seems to be the assumption that work for women is all about chosing work over mothering? What about the money work brings in, money my family could not do without. Luckily for me I also enjoy my job , but I definitely work for money!

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  25. Anonymous22 June 2015 at 21:28

    I am very much a stay at home mum and points 1-10 drive me to extreme levels of insanity and the odd abandonment moment when the husband walks in and I just 'HAVE TO GET OUT' But your disclaimer really made me think that hurty heart is more than I could bear, so i'll grit my teeth and carry on with 1-10 xxxThank you

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    Replies
    1. The Unmumsy Mum22 June 2015 at 21:36

      Ahh I loved this comment, thank you! I am totally in awe of anybody who stays at home it is bloody hard work, so much so I am devoting a whole chapter to it in my book!! Thanks so much for reading xx

      Delete
  26. Unknown28 August 2015 at 13:51

    I stayed at home 2 years after my daughter (2nd child) was born and although I loved most of it when I went back to work (for money) I realised how much I had missed all your points! Even when the hurty heart comes (I work evenings so walk out right when tired unorganised bath mess chaos of bedtimes starts! Yay!) I know work is 'my holiday' and I look forward to it!!!

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  27. Anonymous2 January 2016 at 00:08

    your children are your resposibility did it ever occur to you they would rather be with a parent instead of a child minder

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  28. Anonymous12 May 2016 at 12:14

    Dear above (02/01/16)Yes, my child IS my responsibility, it is MY responsibility to make sur she has a roof over her head, my responsibility to provide, food, clothes & anything else she could possibly need. These things cost money,for some of us not working is NOT AN OPTION ... It absolutley breaks my heart everyday when I have to go to my shit soul sucking job just to provide for my child because no one else is going to just give me money !!!

    ReplyDelete

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